Breath and Skin by Lincesa

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dots

<< | >>

Submission Name: Breath and Skin dots

--------------------------------------------------------

Author:	Lincesa
ASL Info:	15/f/The kitchen
Elite Ratio:	5.78 - 11/9/9
Words:	87

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angst
Total Views:	49
Average Vote:	5.0000
Bytes:	569

Description:
It's a strange poem.

Breath and Skin dots

-------------------------------------------

Soft sighs of pleasant escape,
rushing sounds of moaning bells,
fill me to my highest peak.

Kiss the sin in all its glory,
feel the fingertips of sorrow brush your skin,
move to the rythmn of those moaning bells.

Sheets with the aroma of false love,
pleasured highs are gone,
I have done everything wrong.

Rain on the pavement like tears on the floor,
choking sounds of agony,
those moments of rushing skin and breath are burned,
leaving me alone without you.

Submitted on 2009-07-13 21:06:38 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  I really like this, I don't know why but the word melodic keeps popping into my head.

Nice write,

Spin
| Posted on 2009-07-23 00:00:00 | by Spin | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this piece, quite a bit.
I could tell you must of had some reason for writing it, meaning theres emotion possibly behind it.

The lines:

"Rain on the pavement like tears on the floor,
choking sounds of agony,
those moments of rushing skin and breath are burned,
leaving me alone without you."

Expecially, the line "Rain on the pavement like tears on the floor" got me intrigued. It just fits together so well, and I really liked how you compared the two.

Nice Work all in all~~~
-Clareh-

| Posted on 2009-07-14 00:00:00 | by clarywhite wolf | [ Reply to This ]
  I rather liked the imagery of "moaning bells," I suppose the deep ones do rather have a moanish aftertone I hadn't thought about before. I like the way you wrote this, but I thought the ending could stand a rewording... something more punchy, and "leaving me alone without you" doesn't stand out as much as "I am always alone without you," or something to that effect... different presentation of the same idea, like a little lime twist on the end, since you're drinking top-to-bottom instead of straw-sucking it in bottom-to-dropping-top.

The second thing was, just always remember, in an answer to the line: "I have done everything wrong,"

If you learned something, then no you didn't, cuz that's what it's all about.
| Posted on 2009-07-13 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]

Full Anime Episodes Streaming Free
5 million youtube videos all rated over 4.7 stars with 40+ ratings

[ Copy this | Start New | Full Size ]

Enter your search terms Submit search form

Web www.eliteskills.com

[ Chrispian ] [ Write Forum ]
[ Friends ] [ SNESroms ] .

[ Quick Signup ]
[ Lost Password ]

January 10 07
131,497 Poems
Posted

I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

[ Angst Poetry ]
[ Cutters ]
[ Famous Poetry ]
[ Poetry Scams ]

FontSize:
[ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]

This user has been inactive for more than 5 days.