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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: copper fingersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: blackbird
    ASL Info:    31/male/reykjavik iceland
    Elite Ratio:    2.35 - 194/328/300
    Words: 156
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 556
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1153



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotscopper fingersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i've followed a dead bird
    through the crevice
    of an eyelash,
    swallowed dry leaves,
    stale air
    & wet ash
    & found that every ship
    circles the islands of summer.
    the warmth of water
    leaks from my open head.

    every kiss,
    each breath,
    lush with the browning snakes
    that my mouth loose,
    are lost in the mush,
    the teaming pond
    of organic thoughts
    that you gave me.

    if you were to look upon me
    while i was dreaming
    & see the lines
    of my face
    all lost in green always,
    would my skin collapse
    leaving only steam behind,
    or copper fingers
    alchemical with lonesome
    newness?

    i want the ether
    to pour lovely through my pores
    like milky wormwood
    across my honeyed tongue.
    my flesh becoming
    like aloe
    & silverish beneath the moon,
    arms attached to arms,
    trees attached to trees
    until the winter comes...

    i need coldness
    to remind me of the heat.




    Submitted on 2009-07-14 20:19:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      copper fingers

    'i've followed a dead bird
    through the crevice
    of an eyelash,'

    this opening is just gorgeous, really stunning and surprising, unusual and dark

    and then things kind of warm up, you bring the idea of life into your poem, so there's this darkness which lingers, but the bleakness of the opening is softened, somewhat,

    and then the kissing, the snakes- it makes me think of tongues, poison tongues, poison kisses- and your transition into this really hits the nail on the head

    and the idea of death sits so nicely with the idea of savage kisses, and it's still unusual, striking.

    The organic thoughts- you're playing around with this death versus life idea, but you approach it with such vivid and original imagery, so it lingers in the mind, it's really well done,

    and it speaks of this savage passion, again, but of naturalness, organic, a true and natural love and passion, of fervour, but at its most base, intuitive, animalistic level, pure id;

    and then the resistance to this passion- the lines on your face, which speaks to me of the wisdom of age, which inevitably leads to a certain cynincism, lonesome newness, only steam-how this juxtaposes with the life/death, passion/cynicism, it's lovely and charming both, and I feel like you're disintegrating under the weight of love and life,

    but you want the fervour- your last stanza, you want to disintegrate, to dissolve in the arms of this lover, you crave it, and is it denied to you? because of the lines in your face? the sweet self abandon into love and lust and passion which is the passion of first loves, of teenagers, and it feels like maybe this kind of abandonment of the self into reckless, consuming passion-- it's lost to you, but you want it. And your copper fingers, where you want flesh, flesh dissolving.

    'i want the ether
    to pour lovely through my pores'
    this is a gorgeous line, and really, this poem is chock-a-block full of them, such absract imagery, it really does linger like smoke in the air;

    and your last line 'I need coldness to remind me of the heat', how this links with your copper fingers, your lovely pouring through pores, but it all started with a dead bird,

    and this is a lovely poem, so vivid.

    I'm sorry I've posted this comment on your page- you've been gone longer than the five day limit, but I wanted to leave my thoughts on this 'copper fingers' before I lost them, so, so yeah.

    Anyhoo, lovely poem. And hello :
    | Posted on 2010-08-21 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      I was lost here in all the images presented, i loved the flow and overall structure, this is good, i enjoy the occult undertones and the mention of copper fingers is just divine. I cannot offer improvement as i feel this is a very well written and rounded piece. I am left wondering but not dissapointed. Good write
    | Posted on 2009-12-14 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      you lost me a little but then your ending got me back on track.
    so i know i always say the same thing like
    "oh,it was good.." and "oh, it was great"
    but really it was incredible and very well-written.
    i enjoyed the end just because it was so
    good. and i really liked it.
    thats all i guess.
    rachel:)
    | Posted on 2009-07-15 00:00:00 | by PopRocksRae | [ Reply to This ]


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