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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Deepdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: XemosoraX
    ASL Info:    15/male/Ohio
    Elite Ratio:    3.18 - 11/11/5
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Misc/Me
    Total Views: 59
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 414



    Description:
       Ok...this I think came from my heart. I've been feeling differant lately and I just thought I should write about it and this is what I came up with.
    Hope you enjoy.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeepdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Theres something deep inside me,
    that I just cannot explain.
    Theres something deep inside me,
    that just cannot be detained.
    I want to help it,
    I truly do.
    But I'm afraid I can't,
    if I don't know who.
    I've searched and searched,
    but I don't have a clue.
    But I know when I find it,
    I'll become someone...new.




    Submitted on 2009-07-16 10:14:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I found it rather confusing, after reading it, but that sometimes happens, so I wouldn't worry about that.

    Though, there are some flaws, it is all good, kept together well, interesting, yet, giving new subjects, which is good also, especially when it is still framed around the main subject.

    The structure of the poem is what is somehow confusing.
    It basically looks like a block of writing. The poem itself is good, but, you'll have to work out the structure of the poem- how many stanzas do you put in, what line rhymes with what, if it does. Where do I end a sentence, and why. And when do I finish a stanza and why.

    This way, not only can you think of more ideas to add more to the poem, but also, the reader can easily read it.

    In all, 7/10.
    | Posted on 2009-07-17 00:00:00 | by newcancer | [ Reply to This ]
      Nothing needs to be said, you already know Klay my friend, but very good anyway.

    10/10.
    | Posted on 2009-07-16 00:00:00 | by WolvenGlade | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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