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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Devildots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: wizardmaster
    ASL Info:    2314/girl/China
    Elite Ratio:    4.09 - 7/7/21
    Words: 137
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 792
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 791



    Description:
       Just some new material I thought up of. It's also just so that there'll be something new on here.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Devildots
    -------------------------------------------


    A devil in disguise,
    He lingers forth
    Leaving not a trace behind,
    No one sees him,
    Though he may see us,
    He is the one whom we all fear.
    Coming and going as he pleases.
    He is the one who emerges from a darkness of which even us humans do not know,
    He is the one whose only fear is sunlight
    He is the one and only ruler of the night
    He feeds on good dreams and memories,
    Leaving only the worst behind.
    He flies as high as the clouds
    And as low as the center of the earth,
    He is the one who constantly transforms himself into others,
    He is the one who relies on lies and secrets
    Yet he is the one who we should
    Pity,
    For the devil has never felt love.





    Submitted on 2009-07-19 21:56:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Your piece reminded me of an old poem someone would tell a child about the Christian devil, or perhaps a vampire, which gives the last line a lot more meaning. The last line about never feeling love would be have a nice ironic feel for the vampire because they are often associated with romantics, although these romantics are for their personal gain.

    I also enjoyed the simplicity of the piece, although sometimes you repeated the same concept in different form. For example:

    A devil in disguise
    He is the one who constantly transforms himself into others

    While a beautiful opening, I feel if you move the transformation line right underneath it, and follow that with the "no one sees him" bit, the opening will have a better flow. That's the real only issue I had with this piece; I felt that some lines would go better in different areas. Perhaps you could put the "He is..." lines with each other, because I sometimes got into a rhythm that's thrown off.

    Overall, very interesting piece here. Good simplicity, which is the mark of a good writer.

    Snake



    | Posted on 2009-07-20 00:00:00 | by SnakeBite7 | [ Reply to This ]


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