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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Good Peopledots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 242
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 787
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1667



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGood Peopledots
    -------------------------------------------


    Good People

    i.
    Our two sons, not quite grown,
    go to church each Sunday,
    dutifully recite the Lord�s Prayer
    and the Apostles' Creed from memory

    We're proud that they�ve never been
    inside a principal�s office
    a holding cell
    or the emergency room

    ii

    Our mother teaches Sunday school
    drives the carpool
    feeds the dog when we forget
    and stays married to our father

    Our father makes us thank our mother
    says grace before meals, gives money
    to the homeless, and fills in
    when the scout leader is away

    iii

    Our two good boys pack food
    for the homeless on Saturdays,
    do their homework, and hold the door
    for elderly ladies leaving the Piggly Wiggly.

    iv

    Don�t be a douche,
    we hear one say through the kitchen door
    on the afternoon we come home early.
    Give it back, Fucker
    God you�re a puss
    Well you�re a fag, you faggot
    Let go before I crush your balls
    At least I have a pair, you little fruit cup
    This fruit cup�ll put a boot in your ass
    Bring it, bitch


    iii

    On the afternoon of the bomb threat
    we come home early
    Fuck me, we hear our mother moan
    through the bedroom door,
    as our father's glasses bump on the nightstand.






    Submitted on 2009-07-20 23:33:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      what i like about this, is that no matter what our beliefs may be, what good deeds we may perform, how we may outwardly express ourselves to be the best we can be, we are only human.

    i may believe, but i say [censored] like a truck driver. and i may do, but my thoughts aren't always nice. and sometimes it is carnal. ya know?

    though i have to say, my favorite part is the dialogue of the boys. it's sooooo.... boy. and brutal. and real. and i always wondered why siblings were so cruel to eachother (having none myself).

    there is something here that is captured just right.

    sorry i can't nitpick. i think it is a great piece.
    | Posted on 2009-07-22 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      'Good people' with the requisite underlying darkness necessary to surprise those who trust the facade a bit too much. Aren't multiple personalities wonderful? And where have you been, btw?

    Good to have you back
    Bill
    | Posted on 2009-07-21 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      this made me smirk. i was a little worried this was just going to go on about how good those sons are. some of that delicious dramatic irony everyone loves so much

    as far as nitpicking details go... i would firstly suggest punctuation (you only have 2 periods in the first part and none in the second, although both seem to have clear ends of thoughts, implied or not. the same goes for commas, especially in the places where you tend to make lists); and secondly, i would recommend looking at the very end--i think it's a good place to stop, with enough left unsaid and hanging in the balance, but something about the wording itself seems to just thud into place.


    this was a surprise. i really like it.
    | Posted on 2009-07-21 00:00:00 | by etheror | [ Reply to This ]


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