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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Our Paradisedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlazeFlamme
    ASL Info:    22/m/TX
    Elite Ratio:    1.8 - 23/161/138
    Words: 163
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 790
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1074



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Paradisedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can't touch you anymore
    Like the sky to the sea
    With no horizon in view
    Or land all around
    Someone else kissing you

    However there is a place
    I sometimes go and I see
    It's like it was before
    Elated is the word
    All treasures adored

    There is no sky there
    Up and down are the same
    It's entwined with the sea
    Cradled and indescribable
    Where I'd like to be

    And the land floats in the nothing
    And it watches, envious eyes
    The water is fulfilled here
    And it flows endlessly
    With a sky that it holds dear

    If one were to sit on that land
    And look down like wise
    At the sea and the sky
    Watch the ocean's breeze
    They'd no doubt in their mind

    It's a perfect match, you and I
    And here it doesn't have to end
    Never sorrow you're never missed
    All is right except one thing
    This place will never exist




    Submitted on 2009-07-22 05:04:08     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow, that was beautiful. The first stanza kind of leads the rest of the poem and keeps it together. The way you phrased it told whats going on with you two, but still fits in with the rest of the poem. The imagery in the poem was really good, i liked it. It's hard to describe an emotion like that, it's so bittersweet. I think you did a very good job on this poem. I couldn't really think of anything that would need correcting.

    ~*~katara~*~
    | Posted on 2009-07-22 00:00:00 | by daughterofdeath | [ Reply to This ]


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