WOW... i have to again with everything grimmreaper has said your rhyming and juming from one thought to the next and in the mist of it making it all make sense this is true talent my friend TRUE talent... good luck!!
bravo! very well written! you have true talent. this peice isomthing worth posting. the thoights of braking free from our old controlled selfs is a achievment many wish to achieve. if only everyone could.
i liked how, you made sure to have a set patern on ryming, instead of just bouncing all over the plance.
it was true and sincer, i hope you write more poems that are as good as this one. as for improvment , well, im not good when it comes to critique on poems. im only good with that when it comes to storys. so i hope that some one will come along and give you any good tips you need