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    dots Submission Name: I won't change for youdots

    Author: Namlooc20
    ASL Info:    26/Male/Spokane, WA
    Elite Ratio:    4.2 - 359/327/107
    Words: 134
    Class/Type: Poetry/Sorry
    Total Views: 924
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 861

       Again. Just rough.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI won't change for youdots

    Its new and its old
    I'm young and I'm bold
    And waiting for you to see
    This brand new me.

    And I am moving on
    Right after this new dawn
    Living my way
    So far away

    So deal with my dream
    I hope to make you scream
    Cry, whine , and pout
    I know you'll scream and shout.

    So don't be pissed
    when I insist
    living my own way
    so very far away

    Because I am gone
    before this new dawn
    may your emotions rise
    when I sever these ties.

    Just please don't cry
    when I say goodbye
    And hold on tight
    My heart is right

    So when I turn to leave
    Open your eyes and please
    Just look too see
    This brand new me...

    Submitted on 2009-07-23 16:50:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      WOW... i have to again with everything grimmreaper has said your rhyming and juming from one thought to the next and in the mist of it making it all make sense this is true talent my friend TRUE talent... good luck!!

    | Posted on 2009-07-26 00:00:00 | by jackz | [ Reply to This ]
      bravo! very well written! you have true talent. this peice isomthing worth posting. the thoights of braking free from our old controlled selfs is a achievment many wish to achieve. if only everyone could.

    i liked how, you made sure to have a set patern on ryming, instead of just bouncing all over the plance.

    it was true and sincer, i hope you write more poems that are as good as this one. as for improvment , well, im not good when it comes to critique on poems. im only good with that when it comes to storys. so i hope that some one will come along and give you any good tips you need
    | Posted on 2009-07-25 00:00:00 | by grimmreaper | [ Reply to This ]

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