I consume this vodka
To wash away my pain.
I allow myself to absorb all these pills
to hide my overwhelming guilt.
I ignore the grumbles from my tummy,
for I cannot eat
This pain consumes me to a degree I cannot explain,
yet I write and try to do exactly this.
My guilt is from leaving you,
For betraying you.
Growing up, you were my everything to me.
In some ways were inappropriate
Anticipating those nights you'd touch me,
hoping you'd only pass my room without entering.
Although this was never the case
Yet in other ways you were my hero.
Always there to see me off to school,
There to greet me as I got off the bus,
Wiped my tears away when a boy hurt me.
You have me drinking my pain away,
Absorbing harmful pills to hide my guilt...
Guilt I feel, due to putting you behind bars,
where you rightful belong.
On the other hand I am my own rival
Battling myself til my wits end
Though I suppose this is what you wanted?