Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Am My Own Rivaldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/380
    Words: 194
    Class/Type: Rant/Serious
    Total Views: 723
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1207



    Description:
       Began to write for one person but ended up being about another.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Am My Own Rivaldots
    -------------------------------------------


    I consume this vodka
    To wash away my pain.

    I allow myself to absorb all these pills
    to hide my overwhelming guilt.

    I ignore the grumbles from my tummy,
    for I cannot eat

    This pain consumes me to a degree I cannot explain,
    yet I write and try to do exactly this.
    My guilt is from leaving you,
    For betraying you.

    Growing up, you were my everything to me.
    In some ways were inappropriate
    Anticipating those nights you'd touch me,
    hoping you'd only pass my room without entering.
    Although this was never the case

    Yet in other ways you were my hero.
    Always there to see me off to school,
    There to greet me as I got off the bus,
    Wiped my tears away when a boy hurt me.

    Despite this...

    You have me drinking my pain away,
    Absorbing harmful pills to hide my guilt...

    Guilt I feel, due to putting you behind bars,
    where you rightful belong.

    On the other hand I am my own rival
    Battling myself til my wits end
    Though I suppose this is what you wanted?




    Submitted on 2009-07-24 00:59:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm afriad to comment, because I'm worried that what I say will be unworthy and underspoken for this peice of writing. Its deep and deeply exspresses the confusion of putting away the person that hurt you. It can be a struggle within you, as you ponder over the guilt, on the fact that you placed a man behind bars. it can be a hard thing to carry, and this poem brings it out clearly.

    But just know, that he deserves what he got, and you shouldn't feel guilty at all
    | Posted on 2009-07-26 00:00:00 | by grimmreaper | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    176850

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Can't let my demons go written by faideddarkness
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Linger written by saartha
    Giving written by jjd
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Bond written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    A Drink written by jjd
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry