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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: HAHAHAHAHAHAdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MyWorld
    ASL Info:    21/M/IN
    Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 76/99/87
    Words: 184
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 476
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1154



    Description:
       I just changed the word 'and' to 'but'... That's the most revision you're getting out of me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHAHAHAHAHAHAdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm maniacal like I might go psycho anytime, yo.
    I try to smite my mind but I find no
    Drugs that'll surely get the job done
    I've got only one; trust-worthy
    Must hurry, just for me, we just touch and be up
    No worries, but, what's your story?
    I never began to depend on someone
    For the state of my mind so quickly
    What I find is so sickening
    But, it's better than antibiotics
    Or all the white blood cells in me
    It's not like I'm psychotic
    I just can't stand not winning
    And, friend, this soul is kin to me
    Just when I begin to think I be
    Rational, I lose my mind
    Compassion?! Hell, I've got screws loose inside
    But, when I prove what I
    Swore to you that I
    Knew as soon as I laid eyes
    We'll scar the face of the earth
    Everyday since birth, we've just been waiting
    Well, instead of wanting, I'm taking.
    If you listen to one thing that I'm saying
    Make it this

    LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE




    Submitted on 2009-07-25 15:24:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Not exactly my fave read, but it is well written. I don't like the huge last line, I think you could probably put like
    Love (repeated)
    or something.
    | Posted on 2009-07-27 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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