This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password


Author: MyWorld
ASL Info:    21/M/IN
Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 76 /99 /87
Words: 184
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 860
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1154


I just changed the word 'and' to 'but'... That's the most revision you're getting out of me.


I'm maniacal like I might go psycho anytime, yo.
I try to smite my mind but I find no
Drugs that'll surely get the job done
I've got only one; trust-worthy
Must hurry, just for me, we just touch and be up
No worries, but, what's your story?
I never began to depend on someone
For the state of my mind so quickly
What I find is so sickening
But, it's better than antibiotics
Or all the white blood cells in me
It's not like I'm psychotic
I just can't stand not winning
And, friend, this soul is kin to me
Just when I begin to think I be
Rational, I lose my mind
Compassion?! Hell, I've got screws loose inside
But, when I prove what I
Swore to you that I
Knew as soon as I laid eyes
We'll scar the face of the earth
Everyday since birth, we've just been waiting
Well, instead of wanting, I'm taking.
If you listen to one thing that I'm saying
Make it this


Submitted on 2009-07-25 15:24:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Not exactly my fave read, but it is well written. I don't like the huge last line, I think you could probably put like
Love (repeated)
or something.
| Posted on 2009-07-27 00:00:00 | by PryncessVynom | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?