Totally! It is not lame. I think it's great. The idea especially, and your word choice. I think it need some work structure-wise, though, you know, like in the first two stanzas the second and last lines rhyme and then in the third stanza the first and last rhyme...and a word here and there-
maybe you could say "of the things you put in my head" instead of filled, and "But for all the things you've done" instead of 'of all'? I'm all for shorter and sharper.
Really good writing, though. I'm such a pest that I don't usually read things other people write...well, anyway, I'm going to check out your other stuff.
Hey now lets get something straight this is NOT lame and there is nothing wrong about rhyming. I envy those who can write and rhyme it seems easy to some but for myself I just can't write anything meaningful that sounds "normal" lol
Nevertheless I did enjoy this post I understand how it is to end a relationship with a brother. My brother is no longer speaking to me due to an attempted suicide back in 2008, I write about it or try to anyway. Some are titled 12 Gauge Shot Gun... anyway thats why I liked this because I can relate! Also yes!! because it rhymed its different and there is NOTHING wrong with different girl!
Submission Name: View points comming to a end
