I'm loving the Last Stanza. Which to be completely honest is its only high point.
The whole setting seems to be fairly generic. The words you use with it however are pretty simple. Maybe if you spruced up the words, making them more dynamic and active. Make it engage the reader more. It might have more of a POW effect on the same mundane write.
Well Lets see... U ask for thoughts
1. My unbiased thoughts are exactly what your description says.
2. Its just too basic and also rhymes are forced.
3. Looks like it's written for the sake of writing.
Pink faded scares
Lay scattered on my thigh
Showing to the world my story
Of when I couldn’t cry
Speaks volumes to me! "Showing to the world my story of when I couldn't cry"
LLLOOOVVVEEEE IITTTT!!!! First I didn't like it for some reason but the end got me and i re-read it a few times and I'm hooked! Although I would suggest changing the word "Slowly" in either line you use it. With the lines being on top of one another and using the same descriptive word its obvious and to me could sound better simply by changing one of those times you use it. Just a thought though!