The door that always opens by wordsofmind

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Submission Name: The door that always opens dots

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Author:	wordsofmind
ASL Info:	18/F/Quebec, Canada
Elite Ratio:	5.51 - 175/174/54
Words:	89

Class/Type:	Poetry/Venting
Total Views:	375
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	584

Description:
Me and my parents live in an apartment in a condominium. They have a great room with a lot of privacy and intimacy might I mention. As for me, I too have a privacy to an extent. You see, instead of a balcony next to my room, we have a computer room in which my dad spends most of his day there on weekends and on working days, all the evening. It's frustrating 'cause there's no door between the computer room and my room. Not only that, whenever my mom has to say something to dad, she opens the door abruptly and says it, and that has been going on for about three years, every day of the year. It may not seem torturing, but it is. Here, in this poem, I refer my mom to a wind. I can't say anything to her about it because she WILL get upset and start yelling at me and boy that's the last thing I'd want. But mom isn't torture, I love her, I just don't like it when she opens the door just to talk to dad or go on the computer (in the computer room).

The door that always opens dots

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Please, if it's not too much trouble, read the descrition to understand the agony in this poem. Thank you. And now back to the show..I mean, poem.

*****

She shuts the door, which still opens
A crack or wholly; it’s astounding,
At times, how the wind barges in
Without a significant reason,
And no slight apology in the end.

She would demand for privacy
But fears intensive scolding.
She would plead for solitude
But dreads of being mocked,
Thus she lets the door to always open.

Submitted on 2004-07-18 19:27:53 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
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||| Comments |||
  A very well-written vent, Nadia. I sincerely hope you eventually get this whole problem sorted out, you really are starting to get to an age, as the last comment points out, where you really need your privacy. Good luck with dealing with your mum and pops about it, hopefully it goes over well.

About the poem, I really like how you refer to your mother as the wind, or rather the whole idea of the annoyance being personified by wind, but the way it is written seems slightly out of place. Perhaps you could change it from you mother being the wind to, as I said just a sentence ago, the annoyance that your mother brings as wind. I think it would really help alot, and would make the rest of the poem make alot more sense. All of the other lines you have describing your mother are very uncharacteristic of wind, and it kind of dulls the original intent for the metaphor. I think it is usually a better idea to use personification on things other than persons, otherwise it is kind of pointless. However, that is really the only critique I can spot, I love the poem, and I think it is probably the best venting poem I have read so far on this site! Keep it up!

~Jared
| Posted on 2005-09-25 00:00:00 | by Jared | [ Reply to This ]
  The last line is alright, lets is another form of leaves, which would work. It is an insane situation. You are getting to the age where your dad shouldn't be looking into your bedroom at will. I tried to imagine whether I like the poem as is with the "she" third person, which seems strained, or if you should just go with first person "I". I guess it's just preference and I think you like this, so good job.
Dave
| Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
  i didnt think i had read this one...the comment you left me on my page about it...i was like what...lol...i always mix up my comments to...but anyways yes i agree with everyone here the last line...and i also like the useof wind as your mother...when iwas younger my bedroom had no door and i shared it with my sister...and my brothers had to walk through our room to get in and out of theres...three of them..so i understand ...its like am i ever goin toget a moment to breath...but anyways im babbling...smiles ange
| Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by purplesun24 | [ Reply to This ]
  Nice poem, but I agree with Jan in that the wording of the last line seems a tad akward. I love how you use the wind to represent your mom. I wonder if you couldn't also make reference to your dad, who is often there in the background, perhaps as the strong mountain, whom the wind blows against? Anyways, tough situation, and I sympathize. Perhaps you can get one of those 3-pane hinged partitions to put in front of your doorway - I forget what they're called, but in some movies they're used as a prop behind which an actress gets undressed or changes clothes. Maybe that will help a little with the pivacy, though it won't shut out the noise.
| Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by timberwolf720 | [ Reply to This ]
  I liked this piece, I can understand how frustating that could be, and I'm sure you often hear some thing you wished you hadn't. This piece, I don't think, puts all the emotion you have through though, all that it could anyway. But its a good piece nevertheless, and it does still get you point across, just could use a little umph. No grammatical errors as far as I can see, so good show.
| Posted on 2004-07-18 00:00:00 | by Anarius | [ Reply to This ]
  I would have liked this without your description. I think I would change the last line to something like "thus she lets the wind come unbidden" or some such..this connects the imagery and metaphore of hte first stanza to the last.
jan
| Posted on 2004-07-18 00:00:00 | by jaycee | [ Reply to This ]
  The description helped me better uderstand the piece/had good background info, Iwould've read this w/o it though. I got a feel for how you feel, emotions are easily expressed- especially in poetry.
| Posted on 2004-07-18 00:00:00 | by Emmalee | [ Reply to This ]

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