[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Beneath the Surfacedots

    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 615
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 966


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeneath the Surfacedots

    Iím hiding like the moonlight
    Behind a cloud of dawn
    To fear and love the incite
    That will force me to move on

    My eyes are both wide open, but
    as with a blind my hands reach out
    The heart has kept on beating
    While I walked without the light

    My shoulders feel so heavy, but
    Thereís a bird inside my chest
    Nesting on the contrast
    Between the nightmare and the jest

    While walking on the surface
    I canít help but looking down
    Though the water is foul and darkened
    the fish has yet to drown

    They glitter in the darkness, but
    As all ends current meet
    They cannot move their bodies
    And I cannot feel my feet

    Caught in movements silence
    Though falling standing still
    It was veiling all inside me
    Now I watch the surface spill


    Submitted on 2009-07-28 20:19:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This was deliciously dark I must say, like Crazyphresphone I'm not sure what it meant to you but it read as something close to me, so thank you for evoking those emotions and memories for me. Other than probably changing the line "While walking on the surface
    I canít help but looking down" to "While walking on the surface I canít help but look down", I think it reads better grammatically. So that said nice piece, beautiful imagery.

    Have a good one,
    | Posted on 2009-07-29 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      as i read ur piece,immediate points of view came to me,yet as i read it again,and again,new situations and perspectives kept coming @ me,the hint of ''symbolic'' loss of sences was well done,and origonal,in my opinion.however,i could'nt get a meaningful point of where it was going or what it meant to you,which is not @ all bad 'cause i do that quite often myself...but i was pleasently surprised w/ your command of dark imagery and emotion...well done...crazy...
    | Posted on 2009-07-29 00:00:00 | by crazyphreshone | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bond written by saartha
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Incubus written by monad
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Giving written by jjd
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Wavelength written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]