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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beneath the Surfacedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ChrystalR
    ASL Info:    23/Female/Norway
    Elite Ratio:    5.14 - 126/121/58
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 591
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 966



    Description:
       


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    dotsBeneath the Surfacedots
    -------------------------------------------


    ***
    Iím hiding like the moonlight
    Behind a cloud of dawn
    To fear and love the incite
    That will force me to move on

    My eyes are both wide open, but
    as with a blind my hands reach out
    The heart has kept on beating
    While I walked without the light

    My shoulders feel so heavy, but
    Thereís a bird inside my chest
    Nesting on the contrast
    Between the nightmare and the jest

    While walking on the surface
    I canít help but looking down
    Though the water is foul and darkened
    the fish has yet to drown

    They glitter in the darkness, but
    As all ends current meet
    They cannot move their bodies
    And I cannot feel my feet

    Caught in movements silence
    Though falling standing still
    It was veiling all inside me
    Now I watch the surface spill



    ***




    Submitted on 2009-07-28 20:19:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      This was deliciously dark I must say, like Crazyphresphone I'm not sure what it meant to you but it read as something close to me, so thank you for evoking those emotions and memories for me. Other than probably changing the line "While walking on the surface
    I canít help but looking down" to "While walking on the surface I canít help but look down", I think it reads better grammatically. So that said nice piece, beautiful imagery.

    Have a good one,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2009-07-29 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      as i read ur piece,immediate points of view came to me,yet as i read it again,and again,new situations and perspectives kept coming @ me,the hint of ''symbolic'' loss of sences was well done,and origonal,in my opinion.however,i could'nt get a meaningful point of where it was going or what it meant to you,which is not @ all bad 'cause i do that quite often myself...but i was pleasently surprised w/ your command of dark imagery and emotion...well done...crazy...
    | Posted on 2009-07-29 00:00:00 | by crazyphreshone | [ Reply to This ]


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