A couple of days and a few weeks old, I was adopted by the most loving and caring person in the world. She bounded so many things for me, and embarked on a fight as well as a journey in front of many, many social workers, doctors, and court systems, to break me from a devastating life that my biological parents could not give to me.
Upon all of this, she tried to give me a family and a place inside of this world that no other could ever give to me. Because of her, I wouldn't have explored over the thirty states of this great homeland that I live inside of. And because of her, I wouldn't be at this computer at this moment writing out a life story that just as been so incredible as it is.
As incredible it is, it is also a heartbreak.
I never thought that I could feel so much pain until that familar day that I haunts me in October.
When she parted me from this planet, I was left with my own source of mental and emotional independence. Living with a turned upside down family, a brother who passed from AID's, a sister who drank herself to death, a nephew who passed away from kidney failure, a couple of mixed friends who never understood the whole concept of lonliness and dramatic depression, another brother who was locked away in state prision for fraud, and my youngest brother who was locked away for arson, and a whole bunch of vultures that looked for the greed inside of my family, it was kind of hard at the age of seventeen to grasp onto the many many things that could have helped me deal with most of the things that a typical teenager could handle.
Locking myself inside of a bedroom for hours and hours at a time, secluding myself from reality and the ilk of the world. Trying to gather all of the wandering feelings and voices that played inside of my head for the longest time, just to timber, just to calm, and just connect to this reality, or this comfort that I sought. The journey of this ongoing downward cycle was just endless.
I sought the voices and the words of hearts that could just supress the tears. My voice was just speaking the atmosphere, it wasn't going many places, but back to me. The help was little, and the feelings preceded.
Attempting to end it all was what really woke everyone up from there egocentric world, or did it. It got me medicated and it got me therapy, it got me closer to a father, that soon again I would lose a connection with because of a greed infested step-mother, and I thought it got me an escape through that little thing most people call love.
Head over heels, over my head, or just a little teenage love struck got me motivated to get out of bed and the town that was holding me down of my virtue. That inner silence of myself had seemed to start speaking, and a burst of life trapped inside of myself again. Packing my bags and traveling half across the country for a refuge later I would find wasn't the right refuge for me, but a deeper level of hell that I thought I could escape all in all.
I ended up dropping out in highschool, indulging myself into criminals and drugs, started my birth of my criminal record, got stuck inside some of the worse county jails there could be in the entire state, lost my mind, and lost more of my will to live. Thinking and saying when I vanished my criminal record all over again, I lied to myself and sunk further into the addictions of mine. Marijuna, not so serious of a drug, later had lead me to the further use of opiates, and I found myself taking more and more just so I could find the sleep. Sales got my mind started as I could make more money just like my dealers where, I decided to persue such a thing, things just don't work out the way that they seem, I decided it was time to make my escape once more, but that was reversing my travel space, going back to the town that started this bad trip would be the answere.
Getting off of the drugs was the hardest part, and realising myself is who I have to care about was the most important thing inside of this journey. Getting myself back in target for schooling I did. Getting myself back working I did. Staying out of trouble I did. Getting myself a vehicle was a must, and staying out of any form of criminal intention was a struggle at first, but I knicked that chip off of my shoulder. I continued to so well inside of my life..
(to be continued.)