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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: concrete deepdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: crazyphreshone
    ASL Info:    33/M/NY
    Elite Ratio:    4.69 - 93/88/44
    Words: 88
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 627
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 596



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsconcrete deepdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i'm lost in depth,
    and out of control;
    head spinning w/ emotion,
    and i can't get a hold...

    clarity comes w/in,
    then spins out of control,
    my dark depth position
    gets a grip on my soul

    a positive mind frame
    is'nt in my eye tame,
    think i shot a bloodclot,
    alive in my burial plot...

    clarity comes w/in,
    then spins out of control,
    my dark depth position
    gets a grip on my soul

    head spinning w/ emotion
    and i can't get a hold...




    Submitted on 2009-07-29 10:34:12     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The repetition really works well here.

    I like the first line, "lost in depth"
    it can mean so many things. To me it basically sums up the feeling of being inside your own head all the time. Thinking too much, trying too hard, to make life make sense.
    And then there are those people whose heads don't escape their own vanity, and they are found in the shallows, not caring to make sense of life; just enjoying it for what it is.

    I think this piece sums up that feeling nicely.

    Good write.

    Matt
    | Posted on 2011-08-22 00:00:00 | by OneDarkFlame92 | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with what glider had said about the explanation of the why of the feel butit was very good i like how you repeated the second paragraph...it really make you feel that confusion...
    goodwrite~taintedsmiles
    | Posted on 2009-07-30 00:00:00 | by taintedsmiles | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a piece that speaks to me. There's a poem by a Russian poet called Larmentov that's titled parus (sailboat). That is what this piece reminds me of. This piece has less depth to it, less explanation to it. If the piece here had more of an explanation of the why of the feel, some of the things that lead up to what is being expressed it would feel more full and more like a complete piece.

    Over all, I like it though, it's reminiscent of my own experiences yet still lacking form.
    | Posted on 2009-07-30 00:00:00 | by thepowerglider | [ Reply to This ]


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