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    dots Submission Name: Shut it outdots

    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.8 - 64/90/75
    Words: 152
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 769
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 989

       The punctuation is complete.....or h/e you spell it

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShut it outdots

    I wish to hold my head...
    and shut it all out.
    Escape from this world;
    if I only knew:
    What was to be known.
    I wonder,
    would it make the diffrence?
    I wonder if these questions we make even have,
    I hurt, and hurt,
    in agony of nothing:
    consuming me...
    takeing my life away from me...
    I wish to shut it out!
    And become nothing...
    I wish to feel air
    As if I could be wind.
    No nothing is fitting...
    I break the picture;
    love me okay?
    And I promose a better person.
    But, I don't know what I want so,
    it's gone, before I,
    want it...
    Come back pleads my mind.
    And my heart has been struck once again:
    in this tunnel:
    as it caves in around me...
    And I so wish to drift;
    Shut it out with my hands,
    on my head,
    cradling the mess I have made.

    Submitted on 2009-07-31 01:41:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      There seems to be a lot of power in these words because i can literally picture you holding your head with your hands and rocking yourself up and down to make all these voices around you go away and it seems they're not going anywhere so you rock harder and harder but nothing. So yeah, passion and power totally there. And it's something everyone can relate to so this topic is very easy to comprehend.

    In terms of the style of writing, I found it to be a bit lazy. The common "i"s confirmed it. It seemed you didn't bother paying attention to how it presents itself to other people but rather you seem to want to blur it out to people and let them grab it however you want them to. The funny thing about poetry is that even the most personal thoughts can be put in the form of poetry, but not the type where you just say what you have to say but rather put a structure to it and an imagery behind it. That's what makes hard work appreciated as well as the thoughts.

    Other than that, I can say this is a work in progress as you mentioned. It's a pretty good start.

    Do take care.... Until we meet again next time.

    | Posted on 2009-08-02 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]

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