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    dots Submission Name: A Collection of Thoughts: I. Religiondots

    Author: Shadowstar13
    Elite Ratio:    4.73 - 191/191/129
    Words: 308
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1133
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2168


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    dotsA Collection of Thoughts: I. Religiondots

    it matters not what I practice-God
    help me, no, I don't preach
    shadows and dust of a dying faith
    have turned me into a remnant, a revenant

    therefore I made out of ashes and
    broken slivers of glass and the
    shattered can lights
    my own faith

    yet sometimes, yet mostly
    even I
    do not know
    my own rules
    of this,


    an eclectic mix, like the famed coast cities
    like poteen and potpurri, like the voices of countless heads
    like one thousand throats chanting one million different songs
    or one thousand screams joining

    sometimes I think I'm damned. and I ponder
    what damns me, what I could possibly
    have done to burn in whatever archaic
    and heavily heated version
    of Hell or
    the proverbial They have cooked up for me

    is it how I experiment with faith
    and pick and choose bits of the blinding light
    piecing them into neon
    is it the exotic lights themselves that I
    choose, red light that pierces
    and black lights, that make white glow blue
    scattered around the ancient, blinding
    near universal
    UVA rays of the sun
    that scorch your mind if you look too close?

    i cannot expose these lights to the
    blank space of my own home.

    there would be shouting
    and the slipping off into solitude, and
    the frantic dialing of phones on both
    sides of the divide. there would
    be meetings and discussions
    and mass and screaming sessions
    dagger eyes and stilletto syllables
    screenings, analyzations
    the withdrawal
    of contacts and keys
    of mouse and men
    and throughout it all
    the freezing, piercing silence of unspoken
    screaming into the chasm
    between two sides

    am I damned?

    sometimes, I
    think I'm saved. but
    on my good days.

    Submitted on 2009-07-31 20:38:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      some parts of this i connect to so much. i think that's what draws me to it. but still it manages to be so raw and uninhibited yet still hold form and flow is impressive.

    i love how it's related personally. it doesn't give the reader it's solution, or point to anything in itself, i say keep waiting on those good days. feels genuine.

    even the more "cliché" parts. or the parts that the rythm wasn't so "written" it was easy to imagine a voice and a tempo throughout that worked for it too.

    | Posted on 2009-08-17 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      This wins "My Favorite Poem On This Site" Award. I love everything about it. It is set up how it should be. There are no formulas being followed. The rhythm goes where it must. Bravo. Plus, the subject matter and how you expressed it is magnificent. Especially the choosing bits of the blinding light part. I see every religion as a way to get to one source, one divine light, and pick and choose the metaphors of getting there how I see fit. Taking some, applying my own. I actually kind of believe the universe is God, or whatever EVERYTHING is all at ONCE. But, I try not to really believe in anything, I'm agnostic. But it doesn't mean that I'm not spiritual at all. I really appreciate this poem, and find it to be very relevant to who I am as a person. Honestly.
    | Posted on 2009-08-04 00:00:00 | by NoMartyr | [ Reply to This ]
      I think that although some parts seem cobbled together from clichés, mixing red and black, mice and men, half-hazzard metaphors-

    There is once again a lot of originality to be seen here, it's unfortunate that some parts drift into familiar territory that doesn't so much relate a feeling as fit a trend of depressing poetry, but the parts that feel quite your own are excellent. The rhythm is not altogether co-herrent but actually stands up well to scrutiny, especially towards the end.

    So yes, its a good poem is far as Im concerned, but I (and I hate to do this so simply) its like a 7 out of 10, a good poem, real poems are 10 out of 10, you cant find any real flaws in them. I've never written one of those, but I think we could both aspire to an 8 or 9 on Elite Skills. So keep at it and all.

    Cheers for the read, a lot of it was awesome.

    | Posted on 2009-08-01 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]

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