Sign up to EliteSkills




Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Protend being a child


Author: pedestrianpoet
Elite Ratio:    8 - 7 /2 /2
Words: 195
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 816
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1275



Description:


opps, did I say protend? I meant, pretend.

"Earth to aether, window to wonder, stillness to the sky."


Protend being a child



Once
I held a glass hand in my hand,
and this other hand of mine
had fingers, one of which pointed
towards there. Determined
like a halcyon gaze - you know
onward

Then
I held a murky thought in my mind
and this furtive idea I had conjured
made fickle threats against this
other hand of mine. It said
fornever

And so
I noticed a crack in the inner psalms
of this other hand of mine;
a broken voice that once held direction
now hollow like an eerie halloween tree,
a grimace tucked under shadows
growing...

when
I also noticed blood
dripping from my own palm
for I was holding on tightly
maybe even
too tightly.

This is where the narrative digs a shallow grave in lieu of ending; I've decided it ought to catch a few - just a few - Zs, and I've given it a bell and some string to be safe. Just remember kids, glass is too fragile to hold tightly, that's why platitudes embellish themselves through plastic - for although it can be deformed, it is all but fragile.




Submitted on 2009-08-01 05:22:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I hate the word play, your little puns sound pretentious as does the tacked on ending which you obviously know is tacked on because you say it is. You sound like your going through the motions and having a ball just talking about how irrelevent it all is. Thats quite lazy. Really, I don't meen to be mean but you really don't seem into this so I don't feel into it either. I am the lizard King, I can do anything...whatever, you seem like a competent writer but to me this poem borders on insulting, title and all. Id rather read a more ambitious offering by a less talented writer.

-Craig
| Posted on 2009-08-01 00:00:00 | by Raphael | [ Reply to This ]


Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?



177060