Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Beholder dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Porcelaine
    ASL Info:    27/F/Croatia
    Elite Ratio:    3.9 - 880/703/256
    Words: 210
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 798
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1463



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBeholder dots
    -------------------------------------------


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

    Above and yet below

    Tell me what it was like above the snow...
    Where the sun and the rain would shed light and ripples
    On the softness of water lilies and disclosed worlds;
    On the fair featured faces mirrored in a steel of harm's way...

    Or was it a pillow of feathers I wonder on the duality
    Insanity or reality, the-never-one, the-never-wed,
    But quite...deceptive in their ballroom perplexed with doll strings
    For us streamers.

    For neither your voice can I recall...there are voiceS now
    And I'm deaf whether your thoughts would look for me,
    With your hands reaching, your tears preaching, still...
    Your feet follow me but I am gone once again streamed out.

    The clock ticks with surprise...diligent in condolences
    For I am no longer able to stop...the time I am given.
    The sheets shrivel and curl...fragranced with old epiphanies
    For I cannot oblige the nightscape and leap.

    Trapped in shape, form and ... worn out expressions
    With words and close captioned urges bubbles within bubbles,
    With insanity or reality, the-never-one, the-never-wed,...
    Waiting for you to tell me what it was like above the snow...

    Above and yet below

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*





    Submitted on 2009-08-01 11:04:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Truly haunting... and perfect metaphor ... beautifully and masterfully written.
    | Posted on 2009-08-02 00:00:00 | by col13x | [ Reply to This ]
      I can't say I get it, I like it nonetheless. The dreamy state of the writing, perhaps between insanity and reality, fits well with the images, which are original and interesting on their own. Your work is a pleasure.
    | Posted on 2009-08-01 00:00:00 | by my shadow | [ Reply to This ]
       It's meant to be never-one - as in: never a singularity, one, unity - ergo the next phrase: never-wed - again meaning: never in harmony.
    | Posted on 2009-08-01 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      This excellent poem reminds me that we are all trapped by our human frailties and limitations, yet fantacize with unlimited vision. This poem is so intense and vivid in its philosophical vision.

    The final stanza is stunning;

    "Trapped in shape, form and ... worn out expressions
    With words and close captioned urges bubbles within bubbles,
    With insanity or reality, the-never-one, the-never-wed,...
    Waiting for you to tell me what it was like above the snow..."

    In America, the phrase is "never-won, never-wed"!

    Nice work, Sandra!
    | Posted on 2009-08-01 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    177064

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    I AM THANKFUL FOR written by Ramneet
    The World written by jjd
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (5) written by endlessgame23
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Records I written by Raphael
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    untitled written by ShyOne
    prison written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Redemption written by poetotoe

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry