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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I feel like bread.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: was_i_ever_real
    ASL Info:    23 _ f _ tx
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 194/91/52
    Words: 51
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Misc
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 395



    Description:
       Robitussen is no joke.

    Don't bother to comment. This will be deleted by tomorrow.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI feel like bread.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was tackled......or

    pushed and pulled like dough
    stretched thin
    beaten
    and re-shaped for a more pleasing show
    flattened
    pulled and pushed some more
    moulded to how I was
    before.....

    and still



    I can't rise.

    their appetite is more than I

    Can satisfy.




    Submitted on 2009-08-04 00:06:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I'm glad you haven't deleted this, I think it's brilliant. The title is eye-catching, original, etc etc.

    I like the minimalist style to this piece, the way each word feels so careful, so thought out.

    This built up steadily to the ending, too, it works.

    Yup, I'm glad you haven't deleted this.

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-10-07 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      I really loved it, totally powerful even though short i still loved it. Keep it up! This is good!
    | Posted on 2009-08-24 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      :)

    good to see you are still writing.
    | Posted on 2009-08-13 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is really great, don't delete this one! Usually the ones I hate the most are the ones someone else likes the most... weird ying-yang of the Universe I suppose, but I think it's brilliant, and the ending packs a whopping fat PUNCH... christ, truer words have never been written than those, don't delete them... one day you'll grow into them and go, yeah... that's what I meant, it just didn't feel right then.
    | Posted on 2009-08-04 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ]
      I don't know why you would want to delete this! Reading the title I wasn't sure what to expect, but I have to say that it was an amazing piece to read. It was short, but spoke volumes and I completely understand the feelings in this. I think you did a great job!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2009-08-04 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      I know you said not to bother commenting, but I love it! Bread! Well, to be honest, I found it funny at first, reading the title. But after reading the rest, I can say I quite got the picture of what it feels like, I know it. And I was never able to describe it so well.

    | Posted on 2009-08-04 00:00:00 | by coloredstone | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?    		7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



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