I was tackled......or
pushed and pulled like dough
and re-shaped for a more pleasing show
pulled and pushed some more
moulded to how I was
I can't rise.
their appetite is more than I
| I'm glad you haven't deleted this, I think it's brilliant. The title is eye-catching, original, etc etc.|
I like the minimalist style to this piece, the way each word feels so careful, so thought out.
This built up steadily to the ending, too, it works.
Yup, I'm glad you haven't deleted this.
|| Posted on 2009-10-07 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ] || I really loved it, totally powerful even though short i still loved it. Keep it up! This is good!||| Posted on 2009-08-24 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ] || :)|
good to see you are still writing.
|| Posted on 2009-08-13 00:00:00 | by nameless_nobody | [ Reply to This ] || Wow, this is really great, don't delete this one! Usually the ones I hate the most are the ones someone else likes the most... weird ying-yang of the Universe I suppose, but I think it's brilliant, and the ending packs a whopping fat PUNCH... christ, truer words have never been written than those, don't delete them... one day you'll grow into them and go, yeah... that's what I meant, it just didn't feel right then.||| Posted on 2009-08-04 00:00:00 | by grey_girl | [ Reply to This ] || I don't know why you would want to delete this! Reading the title I wasn't sure what to expect, but I have to say that it was an amazing piece to read. It was short, but spoke volumes and I completely understand the feelings in this. I think you did a great job!|
|| Posted on 2009-08-04 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ] || I know you said not to bother commenting, but I love it! Bread! Well, to be honest, I found it funny at first, reading the title. But after reading the rest, I can say I quite got the picture of what it feels like, I know it. And I was never able to describe it so well.||| Posted on 2009-08-04 00:00:00 | by coloredstone | [ Reply to This ] |