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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Flower Bearing Shadowsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: fictionalfiend
    ASL Info:    17/F/My mind
    Elite Ratio:    3.29 - 24/17/15
    Words: 176
    Class/Type: Prose/Misc
    Total Views: 839
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 973



    Description:
       Inspiration from a picture I saw a while back. It was a beautiful flower but just seemed sinister to me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFlower Bearing Shadowsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A shadow shifted behind me. Melting away from darkness into small inky patches.
    He smiled at me. This man of the night.
    “Good evening my dear.” He had a slippery voice. One that promised dark alleys and quicksilver shadows.
    “I have been looking for you. There is something owed that must be repaid”
    Reaching into his midnight cloak he produced a single red flower. It was like a daisy but scarlet in the dark of night. Its edges glistened with silver, an ominous mercury like gleam.
    As I twisted the stem in my nervous fingers, wisps of light slid off into the night to be devoured by the gloom.
    His chuckle slithered in and around me. Shivers curled my toes and I let out a shuddering breath as his laughter swept me up.
    “My master sends his love, and his heart.” And with that he was gone.
    Looking down at the flower grasped in my hand I felt a strange thumping, pulsing through my fingers.





    Submitted on 2009-08-04 16:55:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I sent my sinuses to Arizona
    I sent my liver to Peru
    I sent my lungs and a kidney
    for the summer to Sydney
    but I'm sending my heart to you...

    Seriously, this has a somewhat 'goth/horror' tone that works because it's almost (but not quite) over the top. However, I do have a few quibbles with sentence structure/grammar that can be easily remedied.

    A shadow shifted behind me, melting away from darkness into small inky patches.
    He smiled at me, this man of the night.
    “Good evening my dear.” He had a slippery voice, one that promised dark alleys and quicksilver shadows.
    “I have been looking for you. There is something owed that must be repaid”
    Reaching into his midnight cloak he produced a single red flower. It was like a daisy but scarlet in the dark of night. Its edges glistened with silver, an ominous mercury like gleam.
    As I twisted the stem in my nervous fingers, wisps of light slid off into the night to be devoured by the gloom.
    His chuckle slithered in and around me. Shivers curled my toes and I let out a shuddering breath as his laughter swept me up.
    “My master sends his love, and his heart.” And with that he was gone.
    Looking down at the flower grasped in my hand I felt a strange thumping, pulsing through my fingers.
    | Posted on 2009-08-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Thank you very much. I appreciate such an eloquent response.
    | Posted on 2009-08-06 00:00:00 | by fictionalfiend | [ Reply to This ]
      "My master" always plays well in such cases. A sinister flower might be the ultimate dichotomy.
    | Posted on 2009-08-05 00:00:00 | by Blue Monk | [ Reply to This ]


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