Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Joy Ride

Author: Old
Elite Ratio:    3.12 - 69 /98 /93
Words: 114
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 981
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 743


Joy Ride

We ride a serpent across the sky
eternally around the circle of time.
Despite the lies you may have heard
don't mind the devil he's a friend of mine.

The flow of forever burning into my skull
I caress the night sky teary- eyed.
I can see how it's all so beautiful;
What beauty it held as it all died.

Bodies twisting spiritless
kissing their bones pushing through
as they sway in the mist
coughing up their flu.

In the end it came crashing down
On top of Ouroboros I was crowned
Dropped on this mountain top
There's a party going on
The world just stopped
To party before the dawn

Submitted on 2009-08-05 15:51:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  i like how you mix religious images with cynical connotations of life...

in most of your works...enjoying reading you...

i like your sharp endings.

they leave us pondering...sometimes poets use endings to punctuate with too strong a period..thus the statement made there is nothing more to think don't do that.

| Posted on 2011-07-15 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?