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    dots Submission Name: Controversy of a troubled worldots

    Author: Nagow
    ASL Info:    20/f/Denmark
    Elite Ratio:    2.56 - 56/70/29
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 460

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    dotsControversy of a troubled worldots

    Green leaves turning brown
    the trees proudly wearing their crown
    life slowly passing by
    like a never ending lullaby

    People quickly passing by
    In a town where everything flies
    Partying out getting high
    not knowing where to lie

    controversy of a troubled world
    In a mix we're getting twirled
    but we don't know how to stop it
    we just have to keep our lights lit

    Submitted on 2004-07-19 07:08:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Hello there. Maybe you remember me from some time ago. Anyway, I wanted to comment about this poem, obviously. It has a nostalgic feeling, or maybe more saddening, because hope feels all lost and that is all that's left.

    I found some repetition in the first and second stanza: "Life slowly passing by" and "people quickly passing by". I know you can come up with something ten times as good; or for that matter, keep it the same. Nevertheless, that is a no-brainer repetition and can be easily fixed.
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by Dolor | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read two of your poems and I noticed that they both have intriguing ideas in them, which appeal to me. However, your spelling isn't the best. Also, you could probably work on using more original images. That said I think your style has something a bit more fresh than usual about it, and I'll look out for more... Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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