Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Controversy of a troubled worldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Nagow
    ASL Info:    20/f/Denmark
    Elite Ratio:    2.56 - 56/70/29
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nostalgia
    Total Views: 938
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 460



    Description:
       Let me know what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsControversy of a troubled worldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Green leaves turning brown
    the trees proudly wearing their crown
    life slowly passing by
    like a never ending lullaby

    People quickly passing by
    In a town where everything flies
    Partying out getting high
    not knowing where to lie

    controversy of a troubled world
    In a mix we're getting twirled
    but we don't know how to stop it
    we just have to keep our lights lit




    Submitted on 2004-07-19 07:08:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hello there. Maybe you remember me from some time ago. Anyway, I wanted to comment about this poem, obviously. It has a nostalgic feeling, or maybe more saddening, because hope feels all lost and that is all that's left.

    I found some repetition in the first and second stanza: "Life slowly passing by" and "people quickly passing by". I know you can come up with something ten times as good; or for that matter, keep it the same. Nevertheless, that is a no-brainer repetition and can be easily fixed.
    | Posted on 2005-01-22 00:00:00 | by Dolor | [ Reply to This ]
      I've read two of your poems and I noticed that they both have intriguing ideas in them, which appeal to me. However, your spelling isn't the best. Also, you could probably work on using more original images. That said I think your style has something a bit more fresh than usual about it, and I'll look out for more... Becky
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by SugarMouse | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    17732

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry