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    dots Submission Name: Altered Realities Captureddots

    Author: Ethan Brody
    ASL Info:    35 - M - Chile
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 440/205/78
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 949
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 620

       I wrote this a few days ago when mayhem was trying to take its toll on me. As time creeps by I become more convince that turmoil and upheaval
    can bring on intense feeling which do not necessarily mean they have been neatly put together.

    Please let me know your thoughts about it. I'm not asking for anything in particular, maybe a general review, a mere suggestion, a piece of advise, maybe something related to its meaning, even you think is worthless ...... I will return the favour.

    Ethan Brody

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAltered Realities Captureddots

    A zillion words queuing
    Behind one's pen and hand,
    Waiting for freedom
    Like beggars asking for food
    In a red-starred line.
    Too many unwritten essays
    Stacked in one's mind,
    Altered realities captured
    By the untrained eye.
    Visions blatantly change
    Like two mates watching the same film
    Though one wipes
    While the other cackles.
    Thus, knots do transpire
    Unavoidably triggering fire
    If onlys were cast aside
    What ifs melted by light
    Such an insufferably unworldly sight!

    Submitted on 2009-08-11 18:19:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Made me think of insanity... heh. Nice.

    Short, true, but I enjoyed it. And there's really nothing more to say. xD Sorry this is so short; I got a kick out of it thought!


    | Posted on 2009-11-19 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
      Absolute. Perfection.

    Such a simple rythmn to this poem, such deep and simple words covaying such a complex emotion. This is a vivid piece despite its cold frame of mind. I will add this to my favorite list.

    Beautiful work.

    | Posted on 2009-08-19 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
      Fair play mate, I liked this one!

    "Too many unwritten essays/Stacked in one's mind"...Particularly liked those lines.

    I prefered the first half of the piece, to the second...I thought it deteriorated a little from "Visions blatantly change" onwards.

    I wasn't keen on the "like two mates watching the same film" line...It didn't seem to fit in with the language style you were using.

    But, anyway, I did like this. Keep writing!

    | Posted on 2009-08-17 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      whoa. I enjoyed this poem, it was so unexpected. and it just...y'know, hit me. I like how you wrote "Though one wipes" meaning one is wiping tears away, instead of "Though one weeps". it let you think about what was being wiped. I liked the,
    If onlys were cast aside
    What ifs melted by light.
    thanks for sharing :).
    | Posted on 2009-08-14 00:00:00 | by kumabox | [ Reply to This ]

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