This site will self destruct in 2 months, March 17.
It will come back, and be familiar and at the same time completely different.
All content will be deleted. Backup anything important.
--- Staff
Roleplay Cloud -

Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Altered Realities Captured

Author: Ethan Brody
ASL Info:    40- M - Chile
Elite Ratio:    8 - 443 /206 /79
Words: 93
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 1695
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 620


I wrote this a few days ago when mayhem was trying to take its toll on me. As time creeps by I become more convince that turmoil and upheaval
can bring on intense feeling which do not necessarily mean they have been neatly put together.

Please let me know your thoughts about it. I'm not asking for anything in particular, maybe a general review, a mere suggestion, a piece of advise, maybe something related to its meaning, even you think is worthless ...... I will return the favour.

Ethan Brody

Altered Realities Captured

A zillion words queuing
Behind one's pen and hand,
Waiting for freedom
Like beggars asking for food
In a red-starred line.
Too many unwritten essays
Stacked in one's mind,
Altered realities captured
By the untrained eye.
Visions blatantly change
Like two mates watching the same film
Though one wipes
While the other cackles.
Thus, knots do transpire
Unavoidably triggering fire
If onlys were cast aside
What ifs melted by light
Such an insufferably unworldly sight!

Submitted on 2009-08-11 18:19:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  Made me think of insanity... heh. Nice.

Short, true, but I enjoyed it. And there's really nothing more to say. xD Sorry this is so short; I got a kick out of it thought!


| Posted on 2009-11-19 00:00:00 | by Shadowstar13 | [ Reply to This ]
  Absolute. Perfection.

Such a simple rythmn to this poem, such deep and simple words covaying such a complex emotion. This is a vivid piece despite its cold frame of mind. I will add this to my favorite list.

Beautiful work.

| Posted on 2009-08-19 00:00:00 | by HisNameIsNoMore | [ Reply to This ]
  Fair play mate, I liked this one!

"Too many unwritten essays/Stacked in one's mind"...Particularly liked those lines.

I prefered the first half of the piece, to the second...I thought it deteriorated a little from "Visions blatantly change" onwards.

I wasn't keen on the "like two mates watching the same film" line...It didn't seem to fit in with the language style you were using.

But, anyway, I did like this. Keep writing!

| Posted on 2009-08-17 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
  whoa. I enjoyed this poem, it was so unexpected. and it just...y'know, hit me. I like how you wrote "Though one wipes" meaning one is wiping tears away, instead of "Though one weeps". it let you think about what was being wiped. I liked the,
If onlys were cast aside
What ifs melted by light.
thanks for sharing :).
| Posted on 2009-08-14 00:00:00 | by kumabox | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?