[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: theredots

    Author: silverdrika
    ASL Info:    22/F/Brasil
    Elite Ratio:    5.94 - 127/123/43
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1298

       pointless, maybe, but still, had to get it out some way or another. yes i am well aware of capitalization and punctuation problems.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    there’s a lost kite in the Sky
    i stand on my swing
    and stare
    a lost kite
    in the dusk of august
    in the clouds
    someone’s holding it there
    two palms and a pine swing as i swing
    as the ripe jasmine blossoms
    ice in the evening
    white as my knuckles
    ‘round round on the chains
    as i swing
    like the palm branches
    swaying in the august evening
    stare at that Sky lost kite
    your will holds it there
    but your love
    your love couldn’t tear it down
    my heart soars with it
    in this bitter cold wind
    swinging the two palms and the pine
    while my knuckles pale and my cheekbones rose
    and your hair blows against your forehead
    and stare
    your love put me there, high
    lost in the grey
    swinging, soaring in the dusk
    blushing like newborn city lights
    it falls, night falls
    on the soaring lost kite in the biting grey Sky
    the lights in my head in the kitchen
    behind you and i
    the reflection
    my cheekbones burn red and still that wind bites
    an unlike tender as your call
    and the thoughts that escape once again fall
    fall from the kite

    Submitted on 2009-08-12 08:51:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Damn, that was good! I just love poems with imagery.

    Really enjoyed reading it - conjured up a lot of pictures.

    The only real criticism I would have is that it was perhaps a little clichéd in places, but overall it was original.

    I need to start writing stuff like this.

    Favourites addition! (and not just 'cause u put "Forced Rhyme" as a fav. I really liked the poem.)

    Alex :)
    | Posted on 2009-08-17 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]