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    dots Submission Name: anonymous joshua tree en routedots

    Author: Aaron Felix
    ASL Info:    21
    Elite Ratio:    4.35 - 162/183/93
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 767
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 672


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    dotsanonymous joshua tree en routedots

    with primitive

    the state road
    in its clean and sober youth
    was a fever of choice squeezed
    tight. Thus

    Bounded, given only two directions,
    pressing forth. It is a hamster wheel
    laid flat to trick the vain, a track
    to the eye so drawn
    near mirage,
    until the
    trauma of distance
    to coast, the heat, in desperate gulps, is nauseatingly swallowed.

    Action, standing writing

    is the preferential bow
    to a long, totally feared,

    roar, polite
    cough of passerby motorist.

    Submitted on 2009-08-13 02:52:32     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this poem. In my mind it spoke of cycles.
    | Posted on 2009-08-30 00:00:00 | by Old | [ Reply to This ]
      'roar, polite
    cough of passerby motorist.'

    this is an excellent ending. I could gloat endlessly over it - it's perfect. The juxtaposition of roar and polite; cough of passerby motorist - its swirling taste in my mouth))).

    You are sure and unerring in where you break the lines without breaking either the meaning or the flow; but gracefully emphasizing, pausing, playing sort of word hide-and-seek with the reader.

    You have a good ear, that's obvious from the way you place your words together, very nice.

    What else? Emotion and imagery are powerful but not overpowering.

    'to coast, the heat, in desperate gulps, is nauseatingly swallowed.'

    The verdict? Thumbs up!
    | Posted on 2009-08-15 00:00:00 | by expiring_touch | [ Reply to This ]

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