Not the same as the last time you called my name. by Scaredheart

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Submission Name: Not the same as the last time you called my name. dots

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Author:	Scaredheart
ASL Info:	15/ Female/ NC
Elite Ratio:	6.43 - 92/62/50
Words:	80

Class/Type:	Misc/Misc
Total Views:	44
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	528

Description:

Not the same as the last time you called my name. dots

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Put a pistole to my temple,
pull the trigger with ease.
Blow out my mind,
scatter my dreams.

Wallow in my pain,
sufffer in your shame.
Forget our endless game,
and never say my name.

I'm lost in the blood,
so much I can't see.
I'm just a forgotten dream,
so why try and remember me!

Hahahaha,
does it look like I care.
I'm just not the same,
as teh last time you called my name.

Submitted on 2009-08-20 17:47:18 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
This is nice, short, sweet and to the point. I think your poetry writing is quickly getting better and better and I'm enjoying reading on in your progress. In this my favorite stanza of the three is the first-- it fits well together, the rhyme and balance is good, and it also makes a lot of sense when looking for a meaning inside the words. It's very important to hook the reader in with something like that, but of course, you already know this.

Like Neko said you do have the one spelling mistake and I'm not sure if the 'Hahahaha' line really fits into the poem. Maybe that could have a word or two scrunched into it. Those are the only things I can say, however, so this poem definitely deserves a 'job well done.'

Love,
Silver
| Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by silverpen | [ Reply to This ]
Wow, this is very cool, Constance. I love it!

The rhyming scheme is very interesting and easy to follow. Good use of words! The only problem would the at the end with the 'teh' mistake. Just a simple typing error. ^.^

I don't think I've read a poem like this before. I'm glad I have now. :3 MY favorite lines have to be the first and the last. Very awesome phrasing.

Loved reading it!

~Hannah
| Posted on 2009-08-20 00:00:00 | by nekochan765 | [ Reply to This ]

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