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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: what I have been throughdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: phoenixtale
    ASL Info:    13 female Washington,Iowa
    Elite Ratio:    1.6 - 18/13/12
    Words: 288
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 1590



    Description:
       I wrote this poem during the first month of my fathers death.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhat I have been throughdots
    -------------------------------------------


    when the clock ran out I ran. When times went wrong I formed a new plan. When there's no one around I hold myself up from falling down. These days grow cold but these lyrics never get old. I'm always running around trying to figure this out, the same question i ask. What's this life all about? I guess I'll keep asking what I'll never understand. Try this if you can. Keep your feet on the ground when your world is crashing down.

    Blood and bruises are nothing to the way that I feel. The pain to the heart's the only pain that's real. I keep my eyes on the floor like the world don't exist.
    If you haven't guessed, I'm depressed, but I won't slit my wrists.

    I'm trapped in this life with nothing but myself. Sure, I still have my family but nothing much else. These chains are cold on my skin. I could give up and let this bullshit win, but I'm gonna keep trying. Run for your life if my blood starts flying.

    I've been through friend after friend, which give me scars to no end. I hear voices in my head night after night. I dig through these words, Are they wrong are they right?

    This pain in my soul somehow I grew it. Just work it all backwards, I know I'll get through it. Someone once told me that life is not a game. If that were true nothing would change, it would all stay the same.

    These days pass me by within a blink of an eye. But every second I live I will never regret it. Even though it hurts I will never forget it.




    Submitted on 2009-08-20 20:32:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I don't think it matters that in some parts it sounds forced or doesn't flow the way it should. I don't think it matters that there are other words that could replace the ones you've used, so it could be better. Better doesn't mean anything.
    Life is hard and confusing, at any age. You can get to a point where you think you have it all figured out, and be surprised by what happens next.
    Being young, it's hard to break free of the 'pain' stereotype, where what you feel is looked down upon because of your age and experience.
    I'm impressed by your honesty. Your ability to say it like it is. The universal theme is something many people can relate to and is what makes it so compelling for the reader.
    Emotion is the biggest inspiration for a writer. I am sorry that pain was yours.
    | Posted on 2009-08-23 00:00:00 | by Narna | [ Reply to This ]
      oh shes 13. well then shes awesome haha
    | Posted on 2009-08-22 00:00:00 | by dankstateofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      its clear the writer is depressed and i can feel that. but the writing sounds a little...common. maybe a wider range in vocab? maybe some metaphors or something. yeah, so it sounds a little not-so-original. the writer is trying too hard.
    | Posted on 2009-08-22 00:00:00 | by dankstateofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      This is powerful, i can connect to it somehow for i have also seen alot of pain. This is more real because its reality and not fiction and that is what makes it powerful.
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


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