[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: what I have been throughdots

    Author: phoenixtale
    ASL Info:    13 female Washington,Iowa
    Elite Ratio:    1.6 - 18/13/12
    Words: 288
    Class/Type: Poetry/I am dead inside
    Total Views: 564
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 1590

       I wrote this poem during the first month of my fathers death.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotswhat I have been throughdots

    when the clock ran out I ran. When times went wrong I formed a new plan. When there's no one around I hold myself up from falling down. These days grow cold but these lyrics never get old. I'm always running around trying to figure this out, the same question i ask. What's this life all about? I guess I'll keep asking what I'll never understand. Try this if you can. Keep your feet on the ground when your world is crashing down.

    Blood and bruises are nothing to the way that I feel. The pain to the heart's the only pain that's real. I keep my eyes on the floor like the world don't exist.
    If you haven't guessed, I'm depressed, but I won't slit my wrists.

    I'm trapped in this life with nothing but myself. Sure, I still have my family but nothing much else. These chains are cold on my skin. I could give up and let this bullshit win, but I'm gonna keep trying. Run for your life if my blood starts flying.

    I've been through friend after friend, which give me scars to no end. I hear voices in my head night after night. I dig through these words, Are they wrong are they right?

    This pain in my soul somehow I grew it. Just work it all backwards, I know I'll get through it. Someone once told me that life is not a game. If that were true nothing would change, it would all stay the same.

    These days pass me by within a blink of an eye. But every second I live I will never regret it. Even though it hurts I will never forget it.

    Submitted on 2009-08-20 20:32:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I don't think it matters that in some parts it sounds forced or doesn't flow the way it should. I don't think it matters that there are other words that could replace the ones you've used, so it could be better. Better doesn't mean anything.
    Life is hard and confusing, at any age. You can get to a point where you think you have it all figured out, and be surprised by what happens next.
    Being young, it's hard to break free of the 'pain' stereotype, where what you feel is looked down upon because of your age and experience.
    I'm impressed by your honesty. Your ability to say it like it is. The universal theme is something many people can relate to and is what makes it so compelling for the reader.
    Emotion is the biggest inspiration for a writer. I am sorry that pain was yours.
    | Posted on 2009-08-23 00:00:00 | by Narna | [ Reply to This ]
      oh shes 13. well then shes awesome haha
    | Posted on 2009-08-22 00:00:00 | by dankstateofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      its clear the writer is depressed and i can feel that. but the writing sounds a little...common. maybe a wider range in vocab? maybe some metaphors or something. yeah, so it sounds a little not-so-original. the writer is trying too hard.
    | Posted on 2009-08-22 00:00:00 | by dankstateofmind | [ Reply to This ]
      This is powerful, i can connect to it somehow for i have also seen alot of pain. This is more real because its reality and not fiction and that is what makes it powerful.
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Wavelength written by saartha
    ME written by jjd
    When Crows Tick on Windows written by metallichick786
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Commencement written by Ramneet
    untitled written by Chelebel
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Bond written by saartha
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Incubus written by monad
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    I'm here written by BloodtornAngel
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Unfortunate Reality written by TeslaKoyal
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    This written by Chelebel
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    On Loop written by Daniel Barlow
    Giving written by jjd




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]