Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Between my fingersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: taintedsmiles
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 62/87/67
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 558
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       i feel good about this one...good to get it out...tell me what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBetween my fingersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I wish
    that I didn't have to
    wish
    the clouds are rumbling
    and I am scared
    Lost and have no home
    The drops of rain break
    as they hit my skin
    Oh how everything crumbles
    as i secretly give in

    The rain clears
    Sun buring my skin
    Too hot I'm cold
    Too hot

    no wind

    My face steams behind these curtians
    Of dangling hair
    While the tears roll on
    I am here
    Just there

    Inhale this cigarette
    placed between my
    fingers
    I have not fallen
    into what was me
    this is different
    i can not breathe
    And i'm struggling
    To hold on

    The ashes shatter
    As they hit the floor
    breaking in to pieces
    trying so hard tp pick them up
    discentergrating into air
    between my fingers




    Submitted on 2009-08-20 21:12:03     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i also like "i wish i didn't have to wish"
    but i like "the drops of rain break"

    "my face steams behind these curtains/ of dangling hair"

    nice nice imagery...and i like the contradiction of
    "too hot/i'm cold/ too hot"

    the battle between feelings...cool...

    this really struck me...i like it.

    jacob
    | Posted on 2011-03-21 00:00:00 | by jacoberin | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful!!!! My favorite part was the first lines...
    "I wish that I didn't have to wish."
    Because sometimes I feel that way too...I suppose that earth isn't really our true home in the end anyway, and its useless trying to believe it is. I think that this write was very insightful;it reads very smoothly even though the verses look uneven at first. There's nothing I would criticize...nice write.
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]
      This is very abstract, yet sincere. I feel a deeper underlying emotion embedded in this that gives it a unique touch. Well written, great verse. A true masterpiece in its own rite.
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    177573

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Carry written by saartha
    Etiquette written by saartha
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    descent written by TheBadSadMan
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    Ache written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (4) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    Love written by saartha
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Cover written by saartha
    World I No Longer Want written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    True Death written by layDsayD
    Every..... written by jackz
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry