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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A visiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mithrandir
    ASL Info:    28/m/N.Y.
    Elite Ratio:    4.62 - 452/681/113
    Words: 455
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 631
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2906



    Description:
       This right here I feel is a show of how reading te works of J.R.R Tolkein has affected my writing.As always please feel free to rip this piece apart, I actually just revamped it a minute ago but Im sure there is still some tweaking that can be done.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA visiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    The vision came
    As if a nightmare
    Fed into my unconscious mind

    There was a field of
    Soft green grass,
    Of roses and tulips
    And not to far off
    In the distance
    Was a pond with
    A seemingly ancient willow tree
    Encroached above as if itís
    Tears filled the cold blue pool

    I stood there with no
    Remorse, or fear, or anger
    Over my solitude
    there was only a
    Feeling of deep routed calmness

    Then the sky grew dark
    But by no means was it
    Due to the death of another day
    The air became stiff and hot

    I watched as
    The field erupted before my eyes
    fire rained down from the heavens above

    Dark grey sky
    ash filled the air
    Thatís when I saw
    Two small eyes burning
    With the fire of a sun
    Buried deep inside

    Above me she flew
    With wings fully extended
    A true sign of
    Her majestic beauty

    closer the fire crept
    Until at last it
    Engulfed me
    I felt no pain

    As the skin began
    to fall from my body
    I felt a great flame
    Compelling me from within

    I leapt into the air
    gravity no longer
    Held me onto the earth
    As new born wings
    Escaped from the mortal
    Confines of my former life

    We soared through the air
    A dance of two souls
    Until the fires relinquished
    Their command of death
    Upon the field


    We laid by the pond
    Ever calm and cool its waters
    And I saw for the first
    Time my true form

    My eyes like two pale moons
    Encased within a face
    Of dark emerald scales
    As if carved from
    The very earth beneath us

    I looked at her
    Smooth and pure as pearl
    Was the image of her strong face
    As if there was some wisdom
    That runs deep within
    As ancient and flowing
    Like the waters

    There was
    Great love in my heart
    And sorrow
    As I looked at her
    For those star fire eyes
    Would burn out someday

    Then the vision changed
    There was a breeze
    Growing stronger
    As if fed by some
    Fierce hatred or fear

    Storm clouds gathered
    Like an army ten thousand strong
    Sent to wash away scorched earth
    Great waves crashed down upon us
    With a great will I am off into the air
    Turning to search for some sign of her

    The vision ends
    Waking to empty arms
    A cold sweat
    And a dark room
    Dressed in emeralds
    I am off to meet the beloved dead
    So long ago she left my side




    Submitted on 2004-07-19 14:19:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      great story there. i haven't read many of prof. tolkein's works (apart from the lord of the rings) but i can see the inspiration. i like your descriptions and your use of the fiery images.
    the only thing i keep tripping over is the line constructions, like in
    "I stood there with no
    Remorse, or fear, or anger"
    maybe you could change it to,
    "I stood there
    with no Remorse,
    or fear, or anger"
    just a suggestion...
    overall, i enjoyed reading this.
    | Posted on 2004-07-20 00:00:00 | by Judy | [ Reply to This ]
      I won't lie, this poem is awefully long, but it was very interesting. The first few stanzas laid the scene perfectly. I could see the field, and I loved the vision of the weeping willow actually weeping into a pool. I think the whole fire, losing skin thing is you being reborn as a different person because of this girl. You did an amazing job using imagery to create the field and fire. Good work.
    | Posted on 2004-07-19 00:00:00 | by emo-tastic | [ Reply to This ]


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