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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wicked Wordsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 254
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 687
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1578



    Description:
       Just some thoughts on the ways i react to different ways i get treated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWicked Wordsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Like these words flowing forth freely silently strikingly seemingly so stable filled with knowing from my lips.
    They can create feelings of pride and pleasure to which no words can describe, confide or measure.
    So also can these words become blades and barbs like biased bullets silently squeezed from cruel communication clips.
    Wars can be waged by bombs and guns.
    But more so easily by malicious metaphors and prejudiced puns.

    My words can be so soft, satirical biblical or sweet yet complete.
    I never want to hurt you with hatred or stenchful sullen sayings discreet.
    But force me to who i wont be and you will recieve me as whom i hate being, because you rejected seeing.
    Now i will leave you infected and needing
    always bleeding from mind and soul.
    Now it's you who is unwhole, like me.
    If thats how you want to be.
    It was never my goal to take tainted twisted control.

    I want my wise words to bring smiling to the malcontent masses.
    Never to cause demise or despise while wearing
    rose-colored glasses.
    But benign or sublime i cannot create an escape
    to what my faith encompasses.
    Please don't turn my words to withered
    weeps of sorrow.
    I want to give you ample advice and truths to tell through today till tomorrow.
    But how you yearn to learn these ways will wage how i will lend and you will borrow.
    So please release this rage.
    So i can pave the path to follow.

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2009-08-21 08:12:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      i've always enjoyed poetic prose like this - no boundaries, just a rhythm to follow which you establish well here.

    this is honest and piercing, and gently said.

    i don't think this is forced or seussian at all.
    but hey, what do i know?
    nods.
    | Posted on 2009-08-23 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      Again, I feel this piece shows potential in places, but overall sounds forced and clumsy.

    I liked some of the content at the start: "bullets silently squeezed from cruel communication clips"...However, as with most of the piece this line did sound forced, as there was too much alliteration.

    "Bullets squeezed from clips", may've worked better.

    To sum up, I'd say there was far too much alliteration and forced rhyme. It sounds like Dr. Suess.

    Devices in poetry (such as alliteration) need to be used moderately, otherwise the piece ends up sounding like a farce...which is OK if that's what you were aiming for, but in a serious piece it just doesn't work.

    Anyway, keep up the writing and keep learning. The more you learn, the better you'll get!

    -AB
    | Posted on 2009-08-22 00:00:00 | by alexboy | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice poem man. You got a pretty sweet style of writing. I enjoy it a lot. Keep it up!
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by JakeHawk | [ Reply to This ]


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