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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Friend Jane Smokes Mary Jane...dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Runes
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 265/223/100
    Words: 155
    Class/Type: Poetry/Comedy
    Total Views: 72
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1061



    Description:
       Dedicated to all the Jane's out there... you know who you are.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Friend Jane Smokes Mary Jane...dots
    -------------------------------------------


    My friend Jane likes getting stoned
    ain't got no money for her own
    but she'll smoke everything I own
    then hoard her stash when mine is gone.
    I'll call her on the telephone,
    Hey girl whats up, chillin' at home?
    and either she is not alone,
    or she blows off the ringing phone.
    It's always goes down the same way,
    she's flat broke, she'll always say
    even though she gets her pay
    every other Saturday.
    Yet Friday night, without delay
    she's at my house, she's in my way
    under my heels, the friendly stray
    who'll pay her half on Saturday.

    I'm tired of hearing same old same.
    This "Friendship" thing is such a pain.
    I want her dead, but I refrain
    from pulling out my gun on Jane.
    Instead, I share the last remains
    of every bag I've saved for rain;
    for me, there's no more mary jane
    till someone finally marries Jane!




    Submitted on 2009-08-21 08:57:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It is amusing and not just because of the subject but because of its aural stability. The sing-song sound of the piece matched with the shades of wit gives it an ironic and almost condescending feel. It really does sound like a weary friend. I like the fact that it flows without being entirely predictable and it entertains with a few popular methods without being lazy.

    I have a few points to discuss though, if you don't mind.

    Did you really mean "It's always goes down the same way" or "It always goes the same way?"

    Also, since the piece relies a lot on the way it sounds, I feel like "from executing Jane" deserves an adjective of at least a two (or three) syllable like... "from executing _____ Jane."

    But of course, that is just my opinion. It's your call. Content, to me, will always be more important that a piece's superficial attributes. But of course, that can't be disregarded especially for a poem like this.

    Overall, I think it's solid.
    | Posted on 2009-09-02 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      this is pretty awesome. reminds me of half-baked where snoop is the scavenger pot head. but yeah this was a fun read, these are nice once in a while. made me chuckle.
    | Posted on 2009-09-01 00:00:00 | by cornonthekob | [ Reply to This ]
      tell her to grow her own sh.it and stop being such a slackarse, haha.
    | Posted on 2009-08-28 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That's awesome!
    !*favorited*!
    I like the beat and different rythm with rhyme, the structure is really cool too. you did a good job definitely! I don't really have anything bad to say about this, other than I really like it, and it made my daya whole lot better, thanks!

    end
    fin fin fin
    -eggshells-
    | Posted on 2009-08-21 00:00:00 | by eggshells | [ Reply to This ]


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