Looking back in my life with retrospection
i see a crude scab blocking sweet recollection.
i see around me scatter-remnants of black affection.
If only i read the saving book on damage suspension
i could've saved myself sooner with early redemption.
All i see in you now is a diminishing golden hue.
Broken sad traces of a real friend i once knew.
The shadow of a true partner i once could turn to.
Inside you lurk darkest demons so sadly true...
Things you did to me in your mind was a given.
My skull so empty then housed a dried up peel -
chaotic crossroads emanating what once was real...
All cursive from my soul stripped,strung and shaven.
My core then: a tormented strung out tangled mass.
Like reams of rabbit fur trailing to the looking glass.
Sulking sadly was my lusting lonely loathing heart
beating broken - long forgotten it's natural part..
All these things a result of crippling me by killing my art.
I shouldn't have let it grow - should've known from the start.
So many bitter pains i lived through by your playing.
Such dark glitter i gained that kept me from praying.
But these things i focus on now as needing slaying..
Never again i'll suffer by your hands - no action delaying.
Sadly there are no fluffy words to buffer truths i'm saying.
I do not hate you for destructions you put me through.
I pity you for gritty ways and means you cover the blue.
I wish peace and harmony unto you - to keep you true.
Even though i don't despise - i never want to see you.
I just don't care for those that try to fake a bigger shoe.
Please forgive me Lord for the hates i hurled..
I repent all the many fickle false fates i unfurled..
The past i had with her had me damned, dead - misled..
I could not confer.
But now God i am with you here - always near...
I no longer live in fear by keeping your name dear.
How i wish i could control things - her fate i would steer.
Luckily these hurts are over, once again i can see clear.
I can never thank You enough Lord for shifting my gear.
roxanne dehon, no longer smiling - your soul long gone..
Never i noticed a smile or saw in you a sweet song.
All these things so wrong but they made me strong
by breaking me down and twisting me into clown..
When you're seething upwards lets see who's looking down.
Never you asked or concieved the light i percieved.
Now i rise to a new horizon - sacred souls in unison.
Yet i do not hate you - i know you're the yin to yang.
I only pray for you to wake up and be born again.
Please Lord i ask you to let this be so now.. Amen.