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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: What You Do To Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Romance
    Total Views: 517
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1124



    Description:
       A poem i wrote for a lady that once carried my heart.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhat You Do To Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    You complete me..
    Ill follow you around
    When i get lost
    You help me to be found
    When i wander away..
    You are my bloodhound.

    I cannot ever forget
    You heal my soul.
    I have no regret.
    It is what you create
    That completes my fate..

    Your love cannot ever be late
    What you do to me
    No one can relate.
    Why am i so happy?
    It is only you.
    Chasing away the blue.

    Colors in my mind
    Revealing what is true
    Happiness i was searching to find..
    I have found in you.

    My sweet love
    Coming from above
    What can be new?
    Everyday i spend with you
    Is like a bullet breaking the seam
    I am so in love..
    I want to scream.

    I love you my sweet amber
    Your love to me
    Can be no stranger.
    Passing through time
    Each day another..
    Pulling us closer..
    May this never close
    For you are my four leaf clover.
    And i'll destroy all who oppose..

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2009-08-22 04:59:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I, unlike 'phoenixtale', found myself questioning the sincerity of this poem.
    Although I'm sure the overall premise is something that connects with you, and in fact is quite universal. I found myself tripping over each line. The rhyme seems forced in most places, therefore the rhythm doesn't flow as well as it should.
    I suppose what also got to me was the often cliché' lines like; "you complete me" and "happiness I was searching to find.. I have found in you" [among others].
    It's hard to write an original love poem these days without sounding cliché'.
    You have not won me over with this one. But my opinion is not the be all and end all. And others, like 'phoenixtale' may appreciate your poem for what it is.
    Keep writing.
    ~N
    | Posted on 2009-08-23 00:00:00 | by Narna | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. That was a very touching poem. The rhythm was excellent. Your rhyming was spectacular. The meaning of the poem was love and i like that. Well written.


    -Phoenixtale-
    | Posted on 2009-08-22 00:00:00 | by phoenixtale | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    177632

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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