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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Sourcedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Religious
    Total Views: 427
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1123



    Description:
       A piece dedicated to the source of all things.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Sourcedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Once the Source gets ignored earth will be devoured by a cloud..
    Forming shroud...
    Darkness will prosper
    causing emptiness to conquer.

    Do not forget the Source, the Divine..
    Lest you join them..
    on the incline..
    to ignorance and intolerance.
    Do not forget there is a fight now..
    they're trying to stop the light now..

    Peace and light inside the heart keeps me from falling apart.
    The darkness follows me..mocking me..
    It says ill never be free..
    Lies! All lies..
    believing them blinds my eyes...
    leads me to perfect demise..

    I know He is there watching, never letting go.
    I know that He listens wherever i may go.
    Thank you Messiah for letting me know.
    I am only a pin in Your eyes..
    There is no sin i can disguise..
    No words sly or wise..
    To cover up my lies..

    Feel free to join in their dark behaviour..
    In the Messiah i keep trust.
    ThankYou my sweet saviour..
    Bow to you i must.

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2009-08-22 10:03:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I really liked this. I liked how you rhymed words, and when I thought I knew the pattern on the poem it utterly changed.

    There was some words misspelled like you'd write ill instead of I'll, or something in that context.

    But, in all, I thought it was great. I love when you say:
    "I am only a pin in Your eyes..
    There is no sin i can disguise.."

    I love how you describe yourself small to Him as you being the pin in His eyes.

    It was good, there was some flaws, but very little, and if you just keep on naturally writing poetry you'll be a great poet :)

    - Dee of Phagocyte
    | Posted on 2009-08-22 00:00:00 | by Phagocyte | [ Reply to This ]


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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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