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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Bloody Trails dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: BlueTorcher
    Elite Ratio:    5.82 - 73/57/63
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 55
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 610



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsBloody Trails dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Clenched fist
    Upon thy breast
    Where thy heart did lay

    Gaping hole
    A bloody trail
    Leading all home
    To me dearest
    Loving one, he sits and prays

    His key, thy life
    His gift, thy soul
    His love, thy impression of mine
    To vast to hold
    Enduring silently
    Painful awaiting depature

    Leaking of the chest
    Dropping south, pass grass and stones
    Molten heart of day
    Unto thy fiery pits of hell
    Where thy heart lays, feverntly
    For you to take





    Submitted on 2009-08-22 20:51:36     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I noticed this mistake:Painful awaiting depature (departure)
    Though small, be very wary for those type of mistakes. It could ruin the atmosphere of the poem.
    Now; the poem itself was well put. The words manage to create a vibrant enough picture to keep someone interested, but at some points the poem is difficult to understand. Wether or not it was meant to be that way, it still seemed to *click* together. If from what I understand of the poem its of a love, and one departing from that love. Yet the other is there, bleeding and waiting. The idea was brilliant, and the way I interpreted it made me believe this was brilliant. In all it was a job well done. Just be careful with the typos.

    | Posted on 2009-08-23 00:00:00 | by Lincesa | [ Reply to This ]



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