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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Omniveinsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Phagocyte
    Elite Ratio:    3.44 - 2/5/5
    Words: 139
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 470
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1006



    Description:
       This is one of the poems I really enjoyed writing. Problem was that I was writing it whilst watching Dara O'Briain andJimmy Carr, and since this poem is quiet serious, that didn't really help.

    But I always liked that odd phrase "Fishing for the dead.", thus I added it into this.

    This is slightly a personal poem to me, and I'd like to share it so others can read it and share their views on it...

    Enjoy it, and thank you much for reading this!!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOmniveinsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'm fishing for the unknown dead
    that lurk beneath my bed.
    There shadows of memories, kept inside
    my always straying head.
    In the darkness, they do screm
    in horror or in fright.
    They always seem to run away
    when blackness is highlighted by light.

    I'm fishing for the yellow bones
    that scatter my bedroom floor.
    They always seem semi-broken
    and always sitting at the door.
    Infants do not dare to wander
    into my lonesome den.
    Is it because of teh blood thristy
    hound, in it's jaws a wren.

    I'm fishing for the dying bodies
    that crawl within my skull.
    Laughing with mirth and sadness,
    this pain in which I mull.
    Yet life will never stop for me,
    will never slow me light.
    But in the war against myself
    I gained the hope within the fight.




    Submitted on 2009-08-23 09:30:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is rather strange but I think that I liked it a lot. I like how you keep the same theme throughout the poem, and how you described different sounds and didn't change the rhyme scheme. Although, sometimes the rhyming is a bit off beat, like in the line, 'when blackness is highlighted by light' and some of the other last lines. (Also, I think there are two typos...did you mean teh and screm in lines 5 and 15 to be the and scream...?) Anyhow, I think my favorite parts were the first two lines and the last two lines...good job!
    -dancer
    | Posted on 2009-08-23 00:00:00 | by dancer-of-words | [ Reply to This ]

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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