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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Cleanlydots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: expiring_touch
    ASL Info:    26/f/Hamburg
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 136/243/156
    Words: 78
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 446
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 557



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCleanlydots
    -------------------------------------------


    My clean sun in mid-air, suspended,
    With the devastating imminence of farewell
    The lonely hustle of the train station - between
    Three eyes cramped for tears.

    They vanished to the sullen childish air
    And to the drowsy world of half-lit
    Apartments where music tumbled down
    Through the open windows.

    I am ostracized, strung up on a mountain,
    Every breath yet another heartbreak,
    Easy prey, easy lust, an ankle-twister,
    Pulled headfirst to the inviting abyss.




    Submitted on 2009-08-25 04:18:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      your imagry is quiet beautiful. that first line is great. i see it. ya know. (i love lines of light. even when i see all the little stuff floating around inside. like it has its own universe going on).

    and while i may not get the entire gist of this, i don't think it takes away from the piece. it's heavy and filled with emotion. almost like a clean break that still sits.

    | Posted on 2009-08-26 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great, i feel left in suspence ready for more yet also satisfied with what ive read, the imagery is awesome and the first four lines are my favourite in the piece, i liked your mentions of the music which was grand and overall i am impressed by this. The flow needs no work neither the descriptions. I will be reading more of your works ;-)
    | Posted on 2009-08-25 00:00:00 | by Clayman | [ Reply to This ]
      i adore the idea of tumbling music

    i find myself wanting more from this piece but i dont know what that means. i feel like youve just set the stage and im waiting for the actors to come out and the show to begin...

    and yet i like it. your imagery is perfect even if i cannot follow its beauty to a conclusion.
    | Posted on 2009-08-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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