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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: We Heave Up Like the Night dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Hollander
    Elite Ratio:    5.17 - 36/52/16
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 125
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 790



    Description:
       Sometimes it just 'is'.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWe Heave Up Like the Night dots
    -------------------------------------------


    It’s snowing, our reflections stained,
    captured in clean puddles.
    We come down tonight
    like dead clerics
    who circled Vishnu’s navel
    and city lights to skip time.
    Strangers are left to their small affairs.

    A Eurydice Nocturne, the new LA Woman,
    she’s split-lipped blues singing
    from old 'go to hell's'.
    She is a conspiracy of angels.
    It rattles my teeth.
    This sticky fission swallows
    the length of us.

    So alive, compressed in a box
    she becomes my tendons,
    my flight of bar fights,
    the midnight, the early morning
    hard sex and hangover.
    Dappled palms held out, bitten,
    we hear the coming mob.




    Submitted on 2009-08-25 13:57:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I've read this a few times, it's one I come back to, but it generally leaves me wordless, in a good way, so I'm going to find this comment a little hard. Still, I think it's about time I made my reading it known to you.

    I like it.

    'This sticky fission swallows
    the length of us'
    This line in particular just kills me. I'm not sure why I'm so drawn to it. It evokes this achy feeling in the hollow of my stomach, for some reason.

    Your imagery is compelling, evocative, it speaks to me on a world-wide kinda level and in an intimate one. I feel like you're introducing me to the world whilst kissing me for the first time, if that makes any sense whatsoever (I struggle with this explaining feeling business, sorry :) ).

    'stained reflections' gives me this heavy heavy feeling, but it also captures the feeling of tumbling out of a club or whatever at too-late a.m, a little tipsy, arm in arm with a friend, sparking up fags, you know? All lazy young carefree laughing...

    Somewhere this whole piece resonates. I'm finding it hard to explain, so I'll leave off rambling uselessly now.

    Take care.

    Aly
    | Posted on 2009-11-08 00:00:00 | by AlyRose | [ Reply to This ]
      ...like visitors from outer space watching the affairs on earth through a retro style tv set i can be one of them for a moment here.

    your words and phrasing equate almost to a different language: one that can attract and repel in equal measure - dolphins will understand but grazing eland will not...

    in this respect i am with the dolphins but i don't know why and i guess that is the artistry of this - you describe this for us as 'sometimes it just 'is'' well this time it just 'is'. but i don't know why.

    yes, i suppose sometimes it just 'is'.

    on your 1st ever line of this i might add the word 'are' between reflections and stained just because i think it might add a bit of depth to the following line.

    strangers are left to their small affairs is perfect...

    take it easy in holland, or wherever it is that provides you with the inspiration to write this way.

    k
    | Posted on 2009-08-28 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      i need to come back to this - so i shall...
    | Posted on 2009-08-28 00:00:00 | by Awkward | [ Reply to This ]
      for one, i am crap at any critique, just so ya know. and i am glad this is unspecified because all i can go by is what feelings are invoked when i read someone's work. i know nothing of greek myths (though i picked up a few pocket books at a yard sale once and have yet to read them... the story of my life) but i checked out Eurydice and found a sad story, that. so, is it Eurydice's night music? Eurydice night music? Eurydice night? idk... i come at this a few ways, especially with the opening lines. the stained part feels lived to me, if that makes sense, stained with life, maybe, but somehow made pure/or not for naught in the outcome. it feels drug/alcohol induced, like the kind that takes you to higher planes and then drops you off somewhere, unexpected.

    it also feels like the aftermath of a blues club scene and edging out into the night with music on your mind kinda thing... finding something in a voice to carry ya through to the other side.

    i like that this is ambiguious enough. it leads this reader to play with the idea of... if that makes sense. but then that is just my two cents. that, and i have an uncanny way of not being anywhere near a poet's intent. (i think it pisses people off somedays). ah well...
    | Posted on 2009-08-26 00:00:00 | by isabella | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm taking this with me.
    | Posted on 2009-08-25 00:00:00 | by Lady of Shalott | [ Reply to This ]
      argh! i dont even know how to respond to this.
    incredible!
    though i couldnt expect any less from you =P

    but really. this piece reaches out to me in whatever hell hole it is ive landed myself in and gives me a little reason to smile...
    your imagery is rather divine to the point that i wonder whether you have been listening to the same tunes i have over night.
    [the doors -LA Woman and a compilation of blues singing ladies have kept me company through the sleeplessness of the night]

    the last stanza is perfect and breath taking.
    i have no decent response to any of this except to say i know... somehow..
    | Posted on 2009-08-25 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]


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