Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Scumdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mojymo
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50/59/41
    Words: 192
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 402
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1207



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsScumdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Wake up at 3 am and can't get back to sleep,
    pissed off that your bed no longer brings you
    the comfort that you crave,
    your pillow cannot absorb the nightmares
    as they did when you were a child.
    Hiding under the covers is too old-fashioned.
    Plus, it's too hot to breathe the taste
    of your own unclean breath.

    So you wait for dawn to meet you
    and fall out of bed on the floor
    to lay on your back
    and chat with your ceiling.
    You explain your plight
    and laugh at his jokes.
    But the scum of yourself
    settles in your mind for a long nap.
    Before you know it, your laughter disappears
    with the moon,
    and on the other side of the world,
    someone catches your insanity.

    You're not a disease, I tell you.
    Just a temporary infection that I love.
    Wipe the grave dirt of self-pity off your naked body
    and creep back into bed.
    Take the day off from your trashy life
    and dream of scum.

    I'll wait for you to awake
    and chat with me again.

    End: 10:38 pm
    Tues. Aug. 25, 09




    Submitted on 2009-08-25 21:40:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Lap it up with an excited tongue
    trying to jump out of your mouth,
    hoping to unhinge your jaw,
    snap the bone,
    and cause the rush of blood to fall
    like angry, meaningless words
    in an argument between lovers.


    Useless stanza.

    The rest reminds me of Mysterious Skin. Everything reminds me of Mysterious Skin. What a good movie. Good, but absolutely disgusting in terms of what he puts himself through and the vile intentions of some pedophiles out there. Don't be a pedophile.
    But it reminds me of that movie because one of the characters has dreams that scare him, things that he doesn't remember (or his memory repressed) and he wakes up with nose bleeds and fear.
    That has nothing to do with anything, I've noticed, but waking up (or not being able to sleep) because of these feelings of failure and borderline depression is not a way to live. And the floor is an awful place to sleep. Your ceiling is still an inanimate place. It's not a place to imagine voices or a dialogue. The ceiling is too plain for that. It's a good place to catch a disease though... which you've caught, it seems. Insanity! Solitude can cause insanity. And if you don't sleep for 72 (72?) hours, you're considered clinically insane.
    In the last part... are you the ceiling? So you're making people insane! HA. HAA! You think I wouldn't catch onto that!
    But no, insomnia and depression is serious. You sound like a maniac here.
    | Posted on 2009-12-12 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]
      at first when i started reading i thought that it wasn't going to be good in all honesty because of the way you had begun it..but i kept on reading and you really surprised me...this was actually vey insightful...i really liked it...i can completely relate to what you are talking about...how you feel like dirt and you hate yourself and you don't want to do anything but just la on the floor bleeding because that's what you feel is the best for you

    anyways i really like it in the end..but i would suggest changing how you begun the poem...but that's just my opinion
    keep writing~taintedsmiles
    | Posted on 2009-08-26 00:00:00 | by taintedsmiles | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    177789

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Live In Between written by teika5
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry