Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Crumpets and Tea

Author: mojymo
Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50 /59 /41
Words: 133
Class/Type: Poetry /Misc
Total Views: 979
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 928


Crumpets and Tea

I put the kettle on.
Meanwhile, the crumpets are fresh.
Help yourself.

Help yourself because I can't do it for you.
My only desire today
is to sit back in this iron chair
and share a cup or two
in your company.
Is that too much to want?

You've got a million wishes
burning your lips,
stuck in the crackling flames
of themselves,
and fangs to hold them tight.
I laugh when watching one
wiggle free from its confinement.
You bite down too late
and puncture two red holes
in your bottom lip.

I know you see my wishes, too,
and my puncture wounds
with disappointment.

But life serves no one.

Here's your tea.
Have a crumpet.

Sunday, August 2, 2009
12:59 am
End: 1:18 am

Submitted on 2009-08-26 02:43:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  See Edward, not everyone likes vampire seduction and rogue romance novels. That's why you haven't heard from Anne Rice. Thank Stephanie Meyers for that, she ruined the cult.
I know you're not a vampire, by the way.

I know you see my wishes, too,
and my puncture wounds
with disappointment.

But life serves no one

All right. So, this part reminds me of Wuthering Heights. I hated that book very much, but I hated it more because it was so long and you understood the ending was going to be full of incest, murder, death, old age, gold diggers and disappointment, and, also, an unrequited love-triangle with a tumor.
Which is exactly not the point. The point is that this was just so like the main character and his broodish nature when he returns to the estate. He just became this royal prick and no one liked him anymore. Even though he loved that woman, he treated her just as well as he treated his toilet paper.
You know what? That's annoying to read. And that last part was annoying to read. Aside from the fact that you changed the entire mood of the poem, the ending was so abrupt and uncanny and perfectly rude. It was just so masculine and superior. I loved it. I loved the irritation I got from it. I loved how you know that the woman is irritated and trying to tempt him. But it doesn't happen. The will power is so curt.
So I like it. I thought I'd let you know.
But I hate vampires.
| Posted on 2009-12-12 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?