Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Crumpets and Teadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mojymo
    Elite Ratio:    6.43 - 50/59/41
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 542
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 928



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCrumpets and Teadots
    -------------------------------------------


    I put the kettle on.
    Meanwhile, the crumpets are fresh.
    Help yourself.

    Help yourself because I can't do it for you.
    My only desire today
    is to sit back in this iron chair
    and share a cup or two
    in your company.
    Is that too much to want?

    You've got a million wishes
    burning your lips,
    stuck in the crackling flames
    of themselves,
    and fangs to hold them tight.
    I laugh when watching one
    wiggle free from its confinement.
    You bite down too late
    and puncture two red holes
    in your bottom lip.

    I know you see my wishes, too,
    and my puncture wounds
    raw
    with disappointment.

    But life serves no one.

    Here's your tea.
    Have a crumpet.

    Sunday, August 2, 2009
    12:59 am
    End: 1:18 am




    Submitted on 2009-08-26 02:43:21     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      See Edward, not everyone likes vampire seduction and rogue romance novels. That's why you haven't heard from Anne Rice. Thank Stephanie Meyers for that, she ruined the cult.
    I know you're not a vampire, by the way.
    Anyway,

    I know you see my wishes, too,
    and my puncture wounds
    raw
    with disappointment.

    But life serves no one


    All right. So, this part reminds me of Wuthering Heights. I hated that book very much, but I hated it more because it was so long and you understood the ending was going to be full of incest, murder, death, old age, gold diggers and disappointment, and, also, an unrequited love-triangle with a tumor.
    Which is exactly not the point. The point is that this was just so like the main character and his broodish nature when he returns to the estate. He just became this royal prick and no one liked him anymore. Even though he loved that woman, he treated her just as well as he treated his toilet paper.
    You know what? That's annoying to read. And that last part was annoying to read. Aside from the fact that you changed the entire mood of the poem, the ending was so abrupt and uncanny and perfectly rude. It was just so masculine and superior. I loved it. I loved the irritation I got from it. I loved how you know that the woman is irritated and trying to tempt him. But it doesn't happen. The will power is so curt.
    So I like it. I thought I'd let you know.
    But I hate vampires.
    | Posted on 2009-12-12 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    177801

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Bond written by saartha
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    You Make Me speechless written by elephantasia
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    This written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    Incubus written by monad

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry