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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If ever I knew you like thisdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: meoww
    Elite Ratio:    6.75 - 262/258/143
    Words: 253
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 856
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1540



    Description:
       ...such an old poem. i don't know from when. but it still resonates, even now, with me. it always has. sigh.

    such clichés.
    such hope.
    hardyharhar
    and e=mc2
    is such a nuisance

    at times.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf ever I knew you like thisdots
    -------------------------------------------




    You could show me all the money
    inundated with the smoke of sadness
    and I would come
    hold you
    for the moment it takes
    to feel the warmth
    of living like
    there really is
    a destination in mind

    I know it's the journey there
    I know it's meant for love
    and the laughter of trying new things
    of being unafraid to run naked
    or ride through the treetops
    like a monkey
    in the Amazon rainforests

    Too long I'd stare off
    and not say what was meant
    even if I was threatened
    with murder
    my mouth
    would be
    like a mousetrap
    closed already

    I've embarked
    on the circumference
    of my own world
    discovering the vistas
    trapped in photos
    I've been wanting to share
    but haven't
    due to
    a myriad of problems
    I dared to call problems
    when really
    it was me
    working against me

    Come unlock this door
    to a heaven I've been searching for
    show me this paradise
    where snakes can be seen
    where swamps can be flown over
    where I
    will know the difference
    between the seven sins

    I'll knot rope
    jump it
    sing to the roads
    that beckon me

    and shiver

    for nights I've lost




    Submitted on 2009-08-31 04:31:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I would have slept
    longer than sun, moon, stars permit
    to give some witticist the slip
    and learned to revel in a green display
    where there is neither dark nor day...
    | Posted on 2009-10-02 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this.
    it is right for me just now.
    you just find the right words and arrange them in the very best order
    and they have a spell of their own as if you have breathed life into them.
    i can understand why a long time ago
    people believed that heart strings
    could be pulled. it is that sort of resonance ...
    i am with Angelo on this!

    jx
    | Posted on 2009-09-12 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ]
      Jase...

    Jase...

    With this piece, you are my "magnicat." That is really all I can say for I am a man stricken by the truth.

    I will tell you one day how much this means to me... perhaps through a poem... just as it should be.

    I promise.
    | Posted on 2009-09-10 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ]
      It's been awhile since I commented any of your things, so ....here goes!


    Wow. This. is. amazing.


    *shakes head*


    and the laughter of trying new things
    of being unafraid to run naked
    or ride through the treetops
    like a monkey
    in the Amazon rainforests


    I really love that little excerpt. It just...really says something. Made me smile. Imagining that...heh. Interesting.


    As usual with your pieces, I can't really think of a critique. I just...really love your style. You are a poet. That's all there is to that. :)


    <3 Sweets
    | Posted on 2009-09-07 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]
      oh my goodness this this this, i love this.

    im in love with the second verse especially. funny but lovely.

    "I dared to call problems
    when really
    it was me
    working against me"

    "Where snakes can be seen" ! a place where every lie and secret will be shouted from the rooftops. where snakes cant whisper little things in your ear and confuse you. love this.
    | Posted on 2009-09-07 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ]
      '4 days before Christmas and I need a new life'


    There's something terribly distant about your eyes
    the way they travel from my lips down my body
    to rest firmly in that space
    ill-defined
    questing for the truth
    found in pharmacy pills
    you used to swallow
    so you could fall asleep
    after a 16 hour day
    playing with kids
    and working the tables at the Viaduct

    I recalled the moment you shot over me
    all tongue on fire
    and lightspeed fingers
    delving past my defences
    into my world
    of hips and thighs
    the total span of time
    making me feel used
    yet pleased
    I was somehow only a virus
    to be re-infected

    Tell me that words
    will never be enough to haunt your mind
    tell me that line 6 of stanza 5
    was ambition in foreplay
    before the final act of consecration
    blazed a comet into the conflict
    between two people
    just trying to get on
    with living
    with reading
    with writing all about
    the various ways
    to cook tikka masala
    while conversing in broken Latin
    about the price of salt

    I have no idea most of the time
    if anything written
    will make sense
    but I try
    perhaps too hard
    to make it cohesive
    and tangible

    Perhaps I need
    that kick up the arse
    we all crave
    when in a masochistic mood
    when in a state of denial
    most would deny
    | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      i write this because i feel lost at times, and need anchoring - to something believable, to something which means something to me, in any way. because it feels right.

    i don't have time to hate.
    it makes no sense.
    truly.

    p.s.
    form - it's how it's read out loud - try it.
    snakes - yes, biblical, but the antithesis, the knowledge in what is meant to be known at some point already. if that makes sense.

    i gotta boogie.
    | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]
      You should know I give you this comment well-knowing your probably hate or dislike me, and the way I go about things. That is fine, and perhaps the words I've to share are destined by the stars (as I imagine it would translate to in Jase-speak) to be disregarded.

    I have a few edits to blow into the wind... Just for [censored]'s sake, you know?

    In your first stanza, rather than 'moment', perhaps 'moments' ?

    In your third stanza, perhaps 'already closed' both to avoid the kind of detracting rime, and.. well.. meh.

    In stanza four, perhaps a variation between the two me. This again to avoid the rime, and to amplify the separation of the selves? Also because saying 'it was I' is actually proper english, so why the flub not.. but meh again.

    In the fifth, I had a twisted thought for the snake line.. 'eaten' rather than seen.. Why? You speak of things normally shunned as taboo - well, in a heaven free like you might wish it to be, shouldn't such perceived evil or sin be eaten freely? It's kind of biblical.. and whatever.

    My last suggestion would be the last line. Just drop 'i've' to make the concern more universal. A little less I could do this piece a lot of good, but ignoring that.. I would call it necessary in that line.

    I also don't agree with a lot of the form in the poem, but that's a matter of bickering and taste. You've already said whatever else I could've said about the poem in the description... minus the 'resonate' bit.

    Outlaw.
    | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
      this is for magnicat, and everyone else who knew her. hey angelo, beth, alia, nan, and amy, and whoever else i didn't mention - you know.

    bless.
    | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ]


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