If ever I knew you like this
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Description:
...such an old poem. i don't know from when. but it still resonates, even now, with me. it always has. sigh.
such clichés.
such hope.
hardyharhar
and e=mc2
is such a nuisance
at times.
such clichés.
such hope.
hardyharhar
and e=mc2
is such a nuisance
at times.
If ever I knew you like this
You could show me all the money inundated with the smoke of sadness and I would come hold you for the moment it takes to feel the warmth of living like there really is a destination in mind I know it's the journey there I know it's meant for love and the laughter of trying new things of being unafraid to run naked or ride through the treetops like a monkey in the Amazon rainforests Too long I'd stare off and not say what was meant even if I was threatened with murder my mouth would be like a mousetrap closed already I've embarked on the circumference of my own world discovering the vistas trapped in photos I've been wanting to share but haven't due to a myriad of problems I dared to call problems when really it was me working against me Come unlock this door to a heaven I've been searching for show me this paradise where snakes can be seen where swamps can be flown over where I will know the difference between the seven sins I'll knot rope jump it sing to the roads that beckon me and shiver for nights I've lost |
Submitted on 2009-08-31 04:31:37 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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| I would have slept longer than sun, moon, stars permit to give some witticist the slip and learned to revel in a green display where there is neither dark nor day... | Posted on 2009-10-02 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ] | i love this. | it is right for me just now. you just find the right words and arrange them in the very best order and they have a spell of their own as if you have breathed life into them. i can understand why a long time ago people believed that heart strings could be pulled. it is that sort of resonance ... i am with Angelo on this! jx | Posted on 2009-09-12 00:00:00 | by Alter idem | [ Reply to This ] | Jase... | Jase... With this piece, you are my "magnicat." That is really all I can say for I am a man stricken by the truth. I will tell you one day how much this means to me... perhaps through a poem... just as it should be. I promise.  | Posted on 2009-09-10 00:00:00 | by ANGELO | [ Reply to This ] | It's been awhile since I commented any of your things, so ....here goes! | Wow. This. is. amazing. *shakes head* and the laughter of trying new things of being unafraid to run naked or ride through the treetops like a monkey in the Amazon rainforests I really love that little excerpt. It just...really says something. Made me smile. Imagining that...heh. Interesting. As usual with your pieces, I can't really think of a critique. I just...really love your style. You are a poet. That's all there is to that. :) <3 Sweets | Posted on 2009-09-07 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ] | oh my goodness this this this, i love this. | im in love with the second verse especially. funny but lovely. "I dared to call problems when really it was me working against me" "Where snakes can be seen" ! a place where every lie and secret will be shouted from the rooftops. where snakes cant whisper little things in your ear and confuse you. love this. | Posted on 2009-09-07 00:00:00 | by Theophilus | [ Reply to This ] | '4 days before Christmas and I need a new life' | There's something terribly distant about your eyes the way they travel from my lips down my body to rest firmly in that space ill-defined questing for the truth found in pharmacy pills you used to swallow so you could fall asleep after a 16 hour day playing with kids and working the tables at the Viaduct I recalled the moment you shot over me all tongue on fire and lightspeed fingers delving past my defences into my world of hips and thighs the total span of time making me feel used yet pleased I was somehow only a virus to be re-infected Tell me that words will never be enough to haunt your mind tell me that line 6 of stanza 5 was ambition in foreplay before the final act of consecration blazed a comet into the conflict between two people just trying to get on with living with reading with writing all about the various ways to cook tikka masala while conversing in broken Latin about the price of salt I have no idea most of the time if anything written will make sense but I try perhaps too hard to make it cohesive and tangible Perhaps I need that kick up the arse we all crave when in a masochistic mood when in a state of denial most would deny | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ] | i write this because i feel lost at times, and need anchoring - to something believable, to something which means something to me, in any way. because it feels right. | i don't have time to hate. it makes no sense. truly. p.s. form - it's how it's read out loud - try it. snakes - yes, biblical, but the antithesis, the knowledge in what is meant to be known at some point already. if that makes sense. i gotta boogie. | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ] | You should know I give you this comment well-knowing your probably hate or dislike me, and the way I go about things. That is fine, and perhaps the words I've to share are destined by the stars (as I imagine it would translate to in Jase-speak) to be disregarded. | I have a few edits to blow into the wind... Just for [censored]'s sake, you know? In your first stanza, rather than 'moment', perhaps 'moments' ? In your third stanza, perhaps 'already closed' both to avoid the kind of detracting rime, and.. well.. meh. In stanza four, perhaps a variation between the two me. This again to avoid the rime, and to amplify the separation of the selves? Also because saying 'it was I' is actually proper english, so why the flub not.. but meh again. In the fifth, I had a twisted thought for the snake line.. 'eaten' rather than seen.. Why? You speak of things normally shunned as taboo - well, in a heaven free like you might wish it to be, shouldn't such perceived evil or sin be eaten freely? It's kind of biblical.. and whatever. My last suggestion would be the last line. Just drop 'i've' to make the concern more universal. A little less I could do this piece a lot of good, but ignoring that.. I would call it necessary in that line. I also don't agree with a lot of the form in the poem, but that's a matter of bickering and taste. You've already said whatever else I could've said about the poem in the description... minus the 'resonate' bit. Outlaw. | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ] | this is for magnicat, and everyone else who knew her. hey angelo, beth, alia, nan, and amy, and whoever else i didn't mention - you know. | bless. | Posted on 2009-08-31 00:00:00 | by meoww | [ Reply to This ] | |
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