Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Trauma Victims dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TheStillSilence
    ASL Info:    20/F/Out in Outer Space
    Elite Ratio:    5.1 - 180/107/54
    Words: 132
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 558
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 929



    Description:
       Needs works. All thoughts appreciated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTrauma Victims dots
    -------------------------------------------


    The drops of rain fell in patterns:
    Drip, drop, drip drip drop!
    Against closed doors, umbrellas and rain boots-
    (Precautions to protect themselves from harmless predators.)

    Through windows the outcasts peeked
    As they danced to their deaths:
    Into boyish laughter, girlish smiles, and candy-coated dinners-
    Untarnished love which neither the cold ground, unfamiliar air nor perspiring clouds knew about.

    Amix these familial portraits of serenity,
    The poor things lost all thrill.
    The dance was neglected,
    And the final splash seemed an unfair end.

    Drops of rain distill incessantly, in an absence of magnificence and charm-
    Washed in the gray that has been worm throughout centuries by the forlorn peasants, childless mothers and ghosts of wishes and dreams that suffered trauma.







    Submitted on 2009-09-01 22:45:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Gosh, this is nice to read. A kind of romantic-movie kiss in the rain scene without the kiss, or the lover. Just the rain that makes a good setting, character and plot. I like it. You have a good scene here that, though is kind of exploited otherwise, makes its own niche elsewhere. Like behind the window where someone watches.
    | Posted on 2009-12-27 00:00:00 | by JenFlynn | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178033

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Not the Devil, but the Wind written by endlessgame23
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Live In Between written by teika5
    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    FamiliarDemons ©™ written by kyserin
    Relentless. The Visceral Fracture. written by Daniel Barlow
    no sky on the other side written by teika5
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry