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    dots Submission Name: Forgive Medots

    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 362
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 543
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2365

       A piece i wrote for my first love to try and get her back, an old piece i cannot deny...

    Ps. "Blazen" is probably not a real word.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgive Medots

    My blazen judgement willfully weak..
    Actions of the meek i did seek..
    Never to know
    The regrets i would sinfully sow
    For the bitter black harvests
    of tomorrow..

    I hate what i have boldly become
    To eleganly escape what i hated being..
    Only way to begin to have being
    Is to surely start seeing..

    Regrets are hopelessly high..
    Ill never be me..
    She slowly sets me free..
    She fully heals the pain.
    The one i can never attain.

    Suffer me..
    Grow my pain..
    Break me down..
    Crack my brain..

    By my own helpless hand
    I now draw faces in the sand..
    A million Years ago..
    A frail forgotten land..
    Where I was king without ego
    And she held my hand..
    She was the one that couldnt let go.
    The only one to understand..

    Now i am blown down, not me
    Not ever again free
    This cannot be me.
    But before me its all i see...

    I once had a voice
    A reason - a choice
    Now i'm alone.

    I cannot expect her to agree
    I was never right to fight.
    Pain i caused comes back to me..
    Turning my tomorrows black so easily..

    Who am i to think things can be forgotten?
    Forgiven..yes could be
    Memories plaguing me.
    Pain by my actions creating different factions..
    I am regretful
    Of all that has passed.
    Now its my happiness that passed.

    I am sorry and not fine.
    I cannot afford to hurt you..
    This will be the last time
    I worry or bother anew..

    Forgive me angel..
    I was blind once..
    You were so sweet and kind..
    I never had a mind..

    I have lost what you helped me find
    Sorry u had to ever see my kind..
    I wanted your friendship..
    Even kinship..
    But i am a fool
    Merely a tool in your eyes..
    An instrument of pain and demise..

    I cannot ever just be your friend
    My affection cannot ever end..
    I cannot see more pain in your eyes..
    Let justice be served in the blend..
    Its time for me to accept despise..
    Forgive me..For serving demise..


    Submitted on 2009-09-03 04:00:00     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      OK, first of all this seemed a bit long. A lot of it seemed to be repeating itself, so maybe you could try to cut all those parts down. Another thing I noticed is that you tried a little hard to make it rhyme, which made the whole piece seem strained, and some words were unnecessary. It's a good concept, and I am sorry you had to suffer that- its a pretty inevitable experience.
    | Posted on 2009-09-03 00:00:00 | by TheStillSilence | [ Reply to This ]

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