Here is where I can see your real talent start to flow. I read your poem, Shiny Redmeption, first, and now I can see I was right about you having potential that is best displayed when toned down. You communicate your thought easily and fluently, and although the theme is somewhat cliché, and the flow a little choppy in places, it was altogether an enjoyable read. I can see your play of words, and how you changed the flow throughout. A good exercise. Keep at it, and the flow will improve, or simply leave it as it is; the way it came out originally may best convey the sincerity of feeling at the time you wrote it.