Description: Okay, I found this poem in a book that had been forgotten. I probably wrote it sometime in 2005, since I find the date September and no year. I need some help with the last stanza in the first set in Answers. It reads choppy, the original was more descriptive; like cobewbs in the inquisitive(sp?) mind. I feel this describes it better, but have been unable to find a way to use both cobwebs and inquisitive without ruining the flow. I don't care much for the word "curious", but it fits the flow better. I am very upset because when I broke up with my ex of five years, he destroyed my journals which contained my poetry, and shreds like this are all that remains of my life's work.
Questions and Answers -------------------------------------------
Spinning out of control;
Stirring the depths of one human soul.
Hanging in the corners of a curious mind;
Not always what you hoped to find.
A friend of mine on here had a lot of her stuff stolen when she moved from her family home to California. Included in some of that stolen stuff were her journals. Personal writings and such. Understandably, she was pretty upset. I mean, no one wants to lose so much of what they've recorded of themselves. But on the opposite side to all that, it gave her the perfect opportunity to start from scratch. A rebirth almost. She was moving to a new state, her life was changing drastically, why not set aside all that old life and see it as a clean slate. Create something better, different.
I'm sure she still feels pangs of loss over what was taken from her. But I hope she feels lighter for it, too -- all that history has been cleaned out and exorcised to make room for her present and future writings. I think it allowed her a great oppotunity.
Moving onto your piece here. I really like the difference in its structure. But then, I do love lists and this almost reads like one. It just goes to show how concise you can be with language, too, and that it can still work well. Sometimes people can get too bogged down in description and lose what it is they're trying to say.
As I read this over, I get the feeling that you're a very secondary, reactive player; a person who's having all these things happen to you and you're merely detailing the reactions and effect they have. As if you're a rock on a beach, able to see the tide approaching, knowing it's going to wash around you, over you, indelibably change you somehow, unable to escape the force of it, but somehow being satisfied by it in the end, because it was all kind of inevitable.
Hm, I'm actually not sure where I'm going with this. I do think 'curious mind' works though. I mean, what is the mind other than constantly curious? Even when we don't like what's happening or are confused by it, the mind is always analysing and striving to work out why why why. It's one of the few virtues that we humans have (sorry, I'm on a very negative human=bad bent at the moment) -- the vastness and unceasing journey of our intellect.
Interesting write. I enjoyed reading it and letting my own thoughts run away with me a little. Thanks =]
Nice rhythm, the rhyme is unobtrusive and yeah... just sort of slips in there nicely and breaks up the structure somewhat because it fits naturally.
Tough sort of a poem to pull off because of the list type nature of it but it's pleasant because of the rhythm. I'd say it's probably a little safe, drifting toward cliché, and I wouldn't want to see a whole bunch of these... but f it... the logic is good and so to hell with the cliché po lice. I liked it. Gets better with each read too.