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    dots Submission Name: Timedots

    Author: Dark Dann
    ASL Info:    18/ Male/ San Diego
    Elite Ratio:    6.44 - 78/67/53
    Words: 172
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 527
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1102


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    Tick tock tick…
    The clock strikes midnight
    I wonder, what am I doing tonight?
    Tick Tock tick…

    I sit here, in the past
    Remember your fragment embrace
    It all happened so fast
    And in the end I was left with disgrace
    A feather slowly falls
    You can’t seem to hear my calls
    I shout, I cry,
    Those words still ring…
    It was just a small fling…

    Tick Tock Tick
    Another hour passes by
    And it feels I’m about to die
    Another hour away from you
    I don’t know what to do…
    Tick Tock Tick...

    Now the feather hits the ground
    And our time is up
    And I still hear that dreaded sound
    And the volume keeps going up;
    “Good-bye my love”.

    Tick Tock Tick
    What lead me to wake up at midnight?
    What made me dream about you tonight?
    A memory lost in despair
    It only cause my heart to tear
    So why, why did your memory return?
    And caused me to feel an everlasting burn…

    Submitted on 2009-09-04 00:50:58     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I feel like the first bit was really good, and then it just kind of crescendoed and let me down. Like, it's not bad. I just had a sort of expectation that it didn't follow.

    disgrace. For some reason that word really stuck out to me. In a bad way. Like..I felt like it didn't fit there.

    Overall, this piece has a strong feeling. Something people can really relate to. Something full of oomph. I think it's a nice write. Probably better than anything I could do.

    Nice write, Pillow.
    | Posted on 2010-02-01 00:00:00 | by SweetAndOhSoME | [ Reply to This ]

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