Description: The things I can offer
Are second best in this world.
My blood tastes like copper;
And all else tastes of gold.
I could not know for certain
That everything would be fine
But yet, one could hope..
In the back of one’s mind.
The pain still hurts,
And the rejection still stings.
But I don’t have the right,
To complain of these things.
When all else is lost,
That’s my chance to shine.
Until then, it seems…
I’ll be last in line.
Last In Line -------------------------------------------
Just a little something that I felt like writing, spur of the moment.
did you post your poem and description round the wrong way on purpose?
its quite the trip haha.
in some ways this piece felt a little too... generic.
there are a lot of phrases in here that most people are overly familiar with which detracts from the piece a whole lot because its like you are stringing together a whole lot of well known clichéd phrases and calling them your own thoughts...
is there another way to say 'when all else is lost'?
can you find a way of saying it without using those words? a way of creating more of a desperation? because when all else is lost there is a desperation involved in this feeling... you know?
i guess im hoping for a little more depth?
and maybe last in line isnt so bad... at least youre IN line... right?