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    dots Submission Name: Last In Linedots

    Author: silverpen
    ASL Info:    17/F/Right Behind You
    Elite Ratio:    3.39 - 16/35/35
    Words: 14
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 745
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 70

       The things I can offer
    Are second best in this world.
    My blood tastes like copper;
    And all else tastes of gold.
    I could not know for certain
    That everything would be fine
    But yet, one could hope..
    In the back of one’s mind.
    The pain still hurts,
    And the rejection still stings.
    But I don’t have the right,
    To complain of these things.
    When all else is lost,
    That’s my chance to shine.
    Until then, it seems…
    I’ll be last in line.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLast In Linedots

    Just a little something that I felt like writing, spur of the moment.

    Submitted on 2009-09-04 23:23:14     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      did you post your poem and description round the wrong way on purpose?
    its quite the trip haha.

    in some ways this piece felt a little too... generic.
    there are a lot of phrases in here that most people are overly familiar with which detracts from the piece a whole lot because its like you are stringing together a whole lot of well known clichéd phrases and calling them your own thoughts...

    is there another way to say 'when all else is lost'?
    can you find a way of saying it without using those words? a way of creating more of a desperation? because when all else is lost there is a desperation involved in this feeling... you know?

    i guess im hoping for a little more depth?

    and maybe last in line isnt so bad... at least youre IN line... right?
    | Posted on 2009-09-05 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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