Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: "The Death Watch"dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Clayman
    ASL Info:    28 - getting late
    Elite Ratio:    6.34 - 609/327/167
    Words: 99
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 473
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 709



    Description:
       The second piece i ever wrote, lame but i have to acknowelege the start if i want to fully experience the end...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots"The Death Watch"dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Each day slowly
    The Death Watch ticks..
    Silently through the night
    After us it creeps..

    The Reaper..
    A Pawn..
    Moves without fear..
    When he greets you..
    Know the end is near..

    Death comes..
    A new dawn is finally here.
    Only the unfaithful
    Will have renewed fear..

    A new day..
    New life..
    A baby is born..
    It knows not the world
    It is into born..
    It knows not the pain & suffering
    It wears a grin..
    This new life
    Is clean from filth & sin..

    Unknown to him..
    The Death Watch gets wound again..

    -Svw




    Submitted on 2009-09-05 07:51:23     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Each day slowly
    The Death Watch ticks..
    Silently through the night
    After us it creeps..

    Does the death watch not also tick during the day? Is death not always lurking by, awaiting the arrival of new souls?

    Side note: ".." It's either 3 dots for a long time passing or one dot. Two dots is a nono.

    A new day..
    New life..
    A baby is born..
    It knows not the world
    It is into born..
    It knows not the pain & suffering
    It wears a grin..
    This new life
    Is clean from filth & sin..

    Born and born as a rhyme? No. Like, "A baby is born/It knows not the world/into which it will mourn? Something like that to suffice.

    I grin reminds me of something more menacing, not something a baby would wear. A smile or something.

    Unknown to him..
    The Death Watch gets wound again..

    Who is "him" exactly? The baby or death?

    I love how you start with the death watch ticking and then it ends when death arrives. Then you rewind it again. I love that!

    -mo-
    | Posted on 2009-09-24 00:00:00 | by mojymo | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the concept of this, that at birth there is some clock that is reset just for us... oh that we were so special. It presents a lot to visualize, though, and I like things that make me think. Kudos on this one!
    | Posted on 2009-09-09 00:00:00 | by Runes | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    178189

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry