Clairvoyance Pesture by Crestfallenman

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Submission Name: Clairvoyance Pesture dots

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Author:	Crestfallenman
ASL Info:	21/M/CA
Elite Ratio:	4.72 - 603/832/351
Words:	167

Class/Type:	Poetry/Angry
Total Views:	96
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1299

Description:

Clairvoyance Pesture dots

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Fevors the disastor,
The misplaced ticking in ones head,
Impossible compromise,
Tune this out til dead.

A garden of misanthropy,
Timidly hiding at your wake,
Seize that moment,
And deal your cards next mistake.

Condolances, apologies,
Mean of anything to the matter,
You awake another day,
Somewhat seeming your better.

Reality sunrise,
A delicious taste of lifes misunderstanding,
How provocative,
Your still not satisfying.

Moving at half a mile a second,
Worlds starting to collapse,
You over indulge your diginity,
Suddenly you find beauty in relapse.

Back to the start of the vicious cycle,
Where everyone plays your rue,
Step, beaten, and battered,
No one defends little ol' you.

Ignored day in and day out,
Can never seem to make it right,
Clocks gaze you with impatience,
Until your long out of everyones sight.

So,

This word, "compromise"

Fuck its definition,

Because they are always going to be.

"Dissatisfied"

As long as you are around.

Submitted on 2009-09-07 03:16:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
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||| Comments |||
Hi. I don't know to what extent you'll appreciate any of this but meh, [censored] compromise right?

A problem the individual often encounters when harbouring a lot of distaste for the myriad of things around him, is the incapacity to properly focus all the emotions, and unrelated thoughts. This problem manifests itself in your poem through your lack of actually specifying the source of all this havoc. I realize, arguably, saying 'they' once is specification enough, but how specific is that word to begin with? It doesn't even ratify the implication of human beings... this could be about how mice are dissatisfied with our cohabitation. The other things you semi-blame are the ever gazing clocks, the harbingers of death who are, to some extent, necessary to our 'sanity.' This is actually an interesting subject, because you can dive into whether or not our sanity needs time just because, or because it is retained within the frame of society. But anyways, the point is, you aren't really even blaming the clocks, but more or less that to which they allude, time. Time can be blamed for just about anything because without it, well, I don't think much of anything would really exist.

The only other option as to 'who' you are blaming is then the most prevalent subject of your poem, you. Do you blame yourself for all of these things, for compromise? For being around?

I don't think, at times, that it's too healthy to be considerate of others. Certainly it is a form of awareness we should all indulge, but then, can we? Within the frame of society, survival, animal instincts.. can we really afford it yet? Perhaps in a coalition of all, but as it stands, the answer would have to be no. I believe that in essence, even those who are nice, and seemingly selfless, for the most part, and can hold it together, can only do so because they're not truly empathetic, or selfless, or considerate. Perhaps my belief is selfish and self-glorifying, but just think about it like this: consider those who argue, and postulate greatly a case for those in third world countries, or for the planet... The strong proponent who are disposed in such a manner as to be able to afford it. Would they do similarly should it be in self-sacrifice? I don't think so, and that alone should demonstrate how truly 'selflessly' they are involved. Doing things because you can doesn't assure that you are doing them genuinely. Etc.

Anyways, I think you should revise the poem. There are a lot of mistakes, and like Jaydee mentioned, perhaps be more humble with your commas. I also think you should revise your emotions, and where they come from, why, and perhaps also that you should question their purpose in the shell of you as an individual.

:)
| Posted on 2009-09-07 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]
maybe theyre looking for the wrong thing if theyre always disatisfied with you...?

while its nice to see you writing and posting [i dont know when i last remember seeing something from you though i havent really been all that active recently] im kinda sad that theres still such a heavy tone to your writings..

did you move to another town like you were going to?
did it work out for you if you did?

im not sure you need a comma at the end of every line... sometimes the ideas seem to continue into the next line and so dont need to be broken up or isolated. i think the commas break the readers ability to follow the piece and find your overall intention

but i like the way the last few lines break away from the rules the rest of the piece subscribe to. i think that makes quite an impact though each line makes me stop and go back through the piece to find something to reference it to or pin it on which brings a new fullness to the piece.

hope youre doing okay

| Posted on 2009-09-07 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]

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